schools all i can think about.
oh. and that mean guy out back.
oh. and that mean guy out back.
8.31.2001
mutha fuck.
where the ass is my screeN!?
bitches.
made it from ballard to parents house to my house in exactly an hr.
got my computer, sans the screen. dissappointed. shat.
buffoonery will ensue.
where the ass is my screeN!?
bitches.
made it from ballard to parents house to my house in exactly an hr.
got my computer, sans the screen. dissappointed. shat.
buffoonery will ensue.
8.30.2001
shits abrewin.
tensions are high.
should they even be?
its funny to hear both sides of the story.....
misperceptions, my friend.
im the stand-offish, stay on everyones good side hypocritical bastard.
call me out.
....and im not even sure i like this haircut.
tensions are high.
should they even be?
its funny to hear both sides of the story.....
misperceptions, my friend.
im the stand-offish, stay on everyones good side hypocritical bastard.
call me out.
....and im not even sure i like this haircut.
ok. so my parents and i went to dinner.
on the way there, i hear this taxi bumpin.
in it is an indian guy with a baseball hat....
i listen closer, and i notice i recognize it.
tunik tunik, tunik tunik, tunik tunik, tunak-ak-ak
or whatever the shit it is.
i had no one to share my joy with.
my parents just didnt get it, but my mom loved the dance moves.
on the way there, i hear this taxi bumpin.
in it is an indian guy with a baseball hat....
i listen closer, and i notice i recognize it.
tunik tunik, tunik tunik, tunik tunik, tunak-ak-ak
or whatever the shit it is.
i had no one to share my joy with.
my parents just didnt get it, but my mom loved the dance moves.
hmm.
i read everyones blogs.
but i just cant read amidys.
its way too fucking much.
(did you guys actually read all my shit?!)
that and its hard to read. you have to highlight that shit.
as for my sister, im kinda happy not knowing whats going on in her life.
(i mean that in a good way, like outta sight outta mind. i just dont want to know, cuz it could be gross and stuff i dont want to hear about.)
oh. and if you dont bother to look at matts blog anymore (i dont blame you), but check it out one last time....
i read everyones blogs.
but i just cant read amidys.
its way too fucking much.
(did you guys actually read all my shit?!)
that and its hard to read. you have to highlight that shit.
as for my sister, im kinda happy not knowing whats going on in her life.
(i mean that in a good way, like outta sight outta mind. i just dont want to know, cuz it could be gross and stuff i dont want to hear about.)
oh. and if you dont bother to look at matts blog anymore (i dont blame you), but check it out one last time....
ok ok ok ok okok ok ok.
i stopped by my old work.
kirkland freds. this shit is like a little small-town community.
same faces always, just moved around.
theres this chic from home that went to home electronics. big scandal.
cashiers going to the plants. night crew to day crew.
and jamie richards. who is the store slut, moving wise.
home to apparel to home to home electronics to the in-store WAmu to home electronics and again back to home.
she gets around.
then i start thinking to myself. how depressing. cuz thats me too:
blimpies, away, freds, away, blimpies, freds, different freds.
youre stuck with what your comfortable with. just switch it around to make it more exciting.
i want to get out. i dont want to be a lifer. i want school. i want to be better. its why i like school.
cuz i dont want to be stuck in a job like that.
too many people accept it. i dont want to. i dont think i have to.
but you have to be motivated to get outta that shit. do something about it.
another crazy piece of shit:
remember that crazy triangle shit with that chic i met through work, and the friends that i hung out with that were from ridgecrest, CA, and then somehow nan, keiths sister, knew them and moved in with them?
ok. so one of the chix sister came and visited back when i hung out with them. now shes moved and lived up here....
where does she work? fuckin freds. shes at the deli. ok. yeah. weird.
but then i talk to this chic, and guess what?
shes moving in with someone from CCK. guess who?
the chic that used to tell me all her extraciricular activities. remember?: i dont want to wake up looking like a glazed doughnut.
yeh! that chic. this is too fucking weird....
so i stop by blimpies cuz i havent been since like june-ish. blimpie jim is just about to drive away with a delivery when he sees me.
he greets, and then brings up, er, rather sly-ly asks if i have a tab. of course he fucking knows i do, but hes just being nice about it.
"pay whenever you can."
so i go in and check out to see the damage. fucking almost $17!! where the fuck did that come from?!!
i guess thats all the times i went in when he was there. so its no bother, cuz thats still probably like pennies for all the sammiches that ive had there whilst i was working there and at freds. but i only had enough cash to pay $10 of it. shit. so i still have a tab there.
im hoping hes happy that i paid two-thirds of it.
also. this chic that i worked with at blimpies the first time (pre-westmont) is now back. shes my sisters age... sad.
so. i get to my parents. (my initial reason for coming to the eastside.) and i find a UPS note on the door. they got there before 10:30 sometime. damn! i got up at 10. the earliest eVer when i didnt have work or school. so i just missed them. fine.
im tromping around upstairs playing with the dog, and my sister comes up.
WTF?!
yeah. shes been sleeping downstairs.
"when did you get here?"
"1 in the morning"
"you didnt hear the UPS guy?"
"uh. no"
"DAH. you suck!"
"yes. yes i do. i suck ballz."
(ok. so she didnt say that [but thats what air likes to hear].)
so i posted a note on the door for the UPS guy to knock profusely on the window to downstairs.
he and my sister better follow through. grrrr...
yeh. so now im on the eastside. whats there to do? no pizza =P. kevins gone. ashleys working. ashleigh probably up to nothing... but yeah.. space that shit out... my sisters watching passions. ick. hmm.
maybe i'll get a badly needed haircut.
but wheres the motivation?
i stopped by my old work.
kirkland freds. this shit is like a little small-town community.
same faces always, just moved around.
theres this chic from home that went to home electronics. big scandal.
cashiers going to the plants. night crew to day crew.
and jamie richards. who is the store slut, moving wise.
home to apparel to home to home electronics to the in-store WAmu to home electronics and again back to home.
she gets around.
then i start thinking to myself. how depressing. cuz thats me too:
blimpies, away, freds, away, blimpies, freds, different freds.
youre stuck with what your comfortable with. just switch it around to make it more exciting.
i want to get out. i dont want to be a lifer. i want school. i want to be better. its why i like school.
cuz i dont want to be stuck in a job like that.
too many people accept it. i dont want to. i dont think i have to.
but you have to be motivated to get outta that shit. do something about it.
another crazy piece of shit:
remember that crazy triangle shit with that chic i met through work, and the friends that i hung out with that were from ridgecrest, CA, and then somehow nan, keiths sister, knew them and moved in with them?
ok. so one of the chix sister came and visited back when i hung out with them. now shes moved and lived up here....
where does she work? fuckin freds. shes at the deli. ok. yeah. weird.
but then i talk to this chic, and guess what?
shes moving in with someone from CCK. guess who?
the chic that used to tell me all her extraciricular activities. remember?: i dont want to wake up looking like a glazed doughnut.
yeh! that chic. this is too fucking weird....
so i stop by blimpies cuz i havent been since like june-ish. blimpie jim is just about to drive away with a delivery when he sees me.
he greets, and then brings up, er, rather sly-ly asks if i have a tab. of course he fucking knows i do, but hes just being nice about it.
"pay whenever you can."
so i go in and check out to see the damage. fucking almost $17!! where the fuck did that come from?!!
i guess thats all the times i went in when he was there. so its no bother, cuz thats still probably like pennies for all the sammiches that ive had there whilst i was working there and at freds. but i only had enough cash to pay $10 of it. shit. so i still have a tab there.
im hoping hes happy that i paid two-thirds of it.
also. this chic that i worked with at blimpies the first time (pre-westmont) is now back. shes my sisters age... sad.
so. i get to my parents. (my initial reason for coming to the eastside.) and i find a UPS note on the door. they got there before 10:30 sometime. damn! i got up at 10. the earliest eVer when i didnt have work or school. so i just missed them. fine.
im tromping around upstairs playing with the dog, and my sister comes up.
WTF?!
yeah. shes been sleeping downstairs.
"when did you get here?"
"1 in the morning"
"you didnt hear the UPS guy?"
"uh. no"
"DAH. you suck!"
"yes. yes i do. i suck ballz."
(ok. so she didnt say that [but thats what air likes to hear].)
so i posted a note on the door for the UPS guy to knock profusely on the window to downstairs.
he and my sister better follow through. grrrr...
yeh. so now im on the eastside. whats there to do? no pizza =P. kevins gone. ashleys working. ashleigh probably up to nothing... but yeah.. space that shit out... my sisters watching passions. ick. hmm.
maybe i'll get a badly needed haircut.
but wheres the motivation?
8.29.2001
so ashleigh and i got up early and went to shoreline.
she had to pay for classes (today was her deadline) and i had to register for them....
i went looking through the catalogue and consulted the "full" classes, and i somehow came up with a beautiful schedule.
....but i get to the person who actually registers you, and she told me that she doesnt know why they didnt put up that the one english class that i wanted was full...
and i'd be the 18th on its wait-list.
so we looked through the other englishes, and i got on two wait-lists as the 6th person on each one.
its an hour before my other classes. so i'll have that time to kill... eating lunch/studying/whatever.
hmm. crowd mentality blows.
it can switch peoples perspectives so easily.
....oh to fit in......
im a hypocritical bastard.
im looking forward to school.
now i have to figure out what hrs im going to tell work i can have.
shit. i hate that part.....
she had to pay for classes (today was her deadline) and i had to register for them....
i went looking through the catalogue and consulted the "full" classes, and i somehow came up with a beautiful schedule.
....but i get to the person who actually registers you, and she told me that she doesnt know why they didnt put up that the one english class that i wanted was full...
and i'd be the 18th on its wait-list.
so we looked through the other englishes, and i got on two wait-lists as the 6th person on each one.
its an hour before my other classes. so i'll have that time to kill... eating lunch/studying/whatever.
hmm. crowd mentality blows.
it can switch peoples perspectives so easily.
....oh to fit in......
im a hypocritical bastard.
im looking forward to school.
now i have to figure out what hrs im going to tell work i can have.
shit. i hate that part.....
8.27.2001
that chic at work is cool.
but dammit! we're always too busy to talk.
they put us side by side again today, but unfortunately they booted her outta the express lane cuz shes new to the whole ordeal.
i had to kick her out.
she probably understood. but whatever.
shes cool. i want to be off at the same time or have lunch at the same time or something....
something....
ashleigh:
what to say about that.
we miss what we had, but with what happened between then and now, theres no way shit could go down again.
unless we both fucked up big time.
in my mind now, it seems that chix actually pick the man, but they just have to be lucky enough for the one they want to do something about it. the waiting game....
see. then you have the sluts, that choose any man... and thats why they get shit.
cuz chix can almost get it anytime they want... they know the moves.
ashleighs demanding. and needy. its not as bad as it sounds, but its still a burden.
i want someone that can physically love me back.
no other major distractions to keep their life off track.
ashleigh wants me to get a girlfriend so we can just be friends and hang out.
oh yeh. its that easy? i forgot....
she sed tera would jump me in an instant.
as we all know, teras had a crush on almost everyone of us, so that wouldnt be so surprising.
shes still got my dicks shirt. its always all about her and the dicks.....
see im the one that is yearning for clsoeness with ashleigh.
she says she doesnt want it, but doesnt do much about it....
leading me on. sure she feels guilty, but she also likes and misses it.
theres always two forces pulling you either way.. i feel it too.
you want it, but you know you shouldnt.
but dammit! we're always too busy to talk.
they put us side by side again today, but unfortunately they booted her outta the express lane cuz shes new to the whole ordeal.
i had to kick her out.
she probably understood. but whatever.
shes cool. i want to be off at the same time or have lunch at the same time or something....
something....
ashleigh:
what to say about that.
we miss what we had, but with what happened between then and now, theres no way shit could go down again.
unless we both fucked up big time.
in my mind now, it seems that chix actually pick the man, but they just have to be lucky enough for the one they want to do something about it. the waiting game....
see. then you have the sluts, that choose any man... and thats why they get shit.
cuz chix can almost get it anytime they want... they know the moves.
ashleighs demanding. and needy. its not as bad as it sounds, but its still a burden.
i want someone that can physically love me back.
no other major distractions to keep their life off track.
ashleigh wants me to get a girlfriend so we can just be friends and hang out.
oh yeh. its that easy? i forgot....
she sed tera would jump me in an instant.
as we all know, teras had a crush on almost everyone of us, so that wouldnt be so surprising.
shes still got my dicks shirt. its always all about her and the dicks.....
see im the one that is yearning for clsoeness with ashleigh.
she says she doesnt want it, but doesnt do much about it....
leading me on. sure she feels guilty, but she also likes and misses it.
theres always two forces pulling you either way.. i feel it too.
you want it, but you know you shouldnt.
8.26.2001
my bad ryan, for using your computer.
i'd like to think that i'd extend the same courteousy if positions were switched.
(of course you dont know, but thats not the matter)
hmm.
the difference between me and manuel is motivation.
the fuckers out there with willing body to fuck around with my car.
(did a nice job to boot)
i didnt work the two days after the accident, and had the intent on looking at the car.
but i didnt until i brought it by his place.
i probably wouldnt have known what i was doing anyway.... but still.
that ass probably got a haircut before me too.
(shit. i didnt notice, but suspect it to be true.)
hes gun(g)-ho with his convictions.
jesus. hes fucking moving to ballard!
a made up mind..... its a good thing.
im still jackassing with comm college, and i still havent registered!
tomorrow... sure.... yeh, whatever.... tomorrow...
thanx for fucking with my car.
but i cant believe i stupidly stumbled onto the solution to the insanity of the beligerantly blinking red light.
i pulled all the shit out from under the passenger seat, and i noticed that this plug was just sitting there.
manuel fucked around with it. plugged it back in, and all was peaceful. ahhhhhhhhhh.
i guess all the shit in my car was thrusted forward and knocked that bitch apart.
who'da thunk that would happen.
you dont know how long he fucked around with the seatbelt itself..
but thanx man.
you got my back.
now somehow, miraculously get a damn car of your own.
thanx for all the help, gaf.
go to fuckin chi(n)cago, ass.
i'd like to think that i'd extend the same courteousy if positions were switched.
(of course you dont know, but thats not the matter)
hmm.
the difference between me and manuel is motivation.
the fuckers out there with willing body to fuck around with my car.
(did a nice job to boot)
i didnt work the two days after the accident, and had the intent on looking at the car.
but i didnt until i brought it by his place.
i probably wouldnt have known what i was doing anyway.... but still.
that ass probably got a haircut before me too.
(shit. i didnt notice, but suspect it to be true.)
hes gun(g)-ho with his convictions.
jesus. hes fucking moving to ballard!
a made up mind..... its a good thing.
im still jackassing with comm college, and i still havent registered!
tomorrow... sure.... yeh, whatever.... tomorrow...
thanx for fucking with my car.
but i cant believe i stupidly stumbled onto the solution to the insanity of the beligerantly blinking red light.
i pulled all the shit out from under the passenger seat, and i noticed that this plug was just sitting there.
manuel fucked around with it. plugged it back in, and all was peaceful. ahhhhhhhhhh.
i guess all the shit in my car was thrusted forward and knocked that bitch apart.
who'da thunk that would happen.
you dont know how long he fucked around with the seatbelt itself..
but thanx man.
you got my back.
now somehow, miraculously get a damn car of your own.
thanx for all the help, gaf.
go to fuckin chi(n)cago, ass.
i drove my car to blockbuster to drop off boyz n the hood.
it did ok, other than the persistant beeping of the flashy red seat belt light, and the scraping of the car somewhere when i roll over a bump.
maybe i'll try to get it to take me to work.
even though the bus wasnt that bad.
work was weird.
i was expecting an ass-chewing,
but everyone was like.
"oh my god. are you ok? we thought you were dead."
"what happened anyway?"
you want sympathy and newly discovered friends?
go out and hit a car....
it did ok, other than the persistant beeping of the flashy red seat belt light, and the scraping of the car somewhere when i roll over a bump.
maybe i'll try to get it to take me to work.
even though the bus wasnt that bad.
work was weird.
i was expecting an ass-chewing,
but everyone was like.
"oh my god. are you ok? we thought you were dead."
"what happened anyway?"
you want sympathy and newly discovered friends?
go out and hit a car....
8.25.2001
bus wasnt that bad.
made both of them, and talked to one.
i got off two blocks early, but it didnt really matter.
fred meyer takes up like 4 blocks anyway.
made both of them, and talked to one.
i got off two blocks early, but it didnt really matter.
fred meyer takes up like 4 blocks anyway.
this bus shit is scary.
i feel like im gunna end up in fucking downtown.
cuz this is the kinda shit i do in my own fucking car when i dont get to do a test run.
not to mention all the crazyies.
ive only really been on a bus in san fran.
other than the two times i freeloaded in jr high to get my ass home from school when i missed the school bus.
i had krunking with my schedule.
ruts are my thing.
i like them. theyre comforting and i feel like im somewhat in control.
i just hope im not late, cuz they might be slightly pissed for me not opening, since in opening that means that im the only fucking cashier there from open ( 7 ) til about 9 or 930.
i wonder how they managed.
im sure someone will be more than happy to fill me in (bitch me out).
i dont want this.
fucking bus.
wheres the security of knowing i'll get there and not having to interact with other people in the process?
this bites.
i feel like im gunna end up in fucking downtown.
cuz this is the kinda shit i do in my own fucking car when i dont get to do a test run.
not to mention all the crazyies.
ive only really been on a bus in san fran.
other than the two times i freeloaded in jr high to get my ass home from school when i missed the school bus.
i had krunking with my schedule.
ruts are my thing.
i like them. theyre comforting and i feel like im somewhat in control.
i just hope im not late, cuz they might be slightly pissed for me not opening, since in opening that means that im the only fucking cashier there from open ( 7 ) til about 9 or 930.
i wonder how they managed.
im sure someone will be more than happy to fill me in (bitch me out).
i dont want this.
fucking bus.
wheres the security of knowing i'll get there and not having to interact with other people in the process?
this bites.
8.24.2001
im all confused with what i want.
but two things i know i do want is a fixed car and a school schedule.
friends are good.
bhut then theres fuckin po0nTanG.
but two things i know i do want is a fixed car and a school schedule.
friends are good.
bhut then theres fuckin po0nTanG.
amidy has bad want of the pixys.
i know these things.
dood. you didnt!
savannah smiles?!
bad times.
fucking ded.
this is how mean you are older sis.
torment torment torment.
im letting it happen in my via internet now.
g'dammit!
i know these things.
dood. you didnt!
savannah smiles?!
bad times.
fucking ded.
this is how mean you are older sis.
torment torment torment.
im letting it happen in my via internet now.
g'dammit!
8.23.2001
my sister knows why i hate watching a movie more than once in a short amount of time.
shes made a big influence in my life.
damn her. =)
(sept when its good shit)
todays special?
KEEL!
shes made a big influence in my life.
damn her. =)
(sept when its good shit)
todays special?
KEEL!
i definately dont want any wrath, but it seems weird how wank was considering himself to be an insignificant person just a week or so ago,
and now he wants to delete a whole group of people whose job pisses people off and makes it seem to be an unimportant one.
my bad.
that is such bullshit though.
when i went to get my failure to stop lowered, the cop wasnt there. i was relieved.
hopefully in the protesting, the guy will actually have to show up, so you can have his nuts.
and now he wants to delete a whole group of people whose job pisses people off and makes it seem to be an unimportant one.
my bad.
that is such bullshit though.
when i went to get my failure to stop lowered, the cop wasnt there. i was relieved.
hopefully in the protesting, the guy will actually have to show up, so you can have his nuts.
im reading manuels blog:
the other day i herd this song on the 80s station or whatever...
ive herd it over and over in my years, especially back in the day when i had to only listen to what my mom wanted to in the car,
but this song never really made any meant anything to me. nor did i really listen to the lyrics... till that day.
and there is always something there to remind me.
i was born to love her.
now theres no way to be free.
she'll always be a part of me....
always something there to remind me.
the other day i herd this song on the 80s station or whatever...
ive herd it over and over in my years, especially back in the day when i had to only listen to what my mom wanted to in the car,
but this song never really made any meant anything to me. nor did i really listen to the lyrics... till that day.
and there is always something there to remind me.
i was born to love her.
now theres no way to be free.
she'll always be a part of me....
always something there to remind me.
damn. everyones out or sleeping and its barely past 11.
ok. ashleigh.
it still seems im limited with how much i can communicate.
theres like this barrier of shit that i cant talk about.
but i guess its ok.
this shits still so weird.
do you have any ideA?
i want my computer.
using other peoples sux.
theres certain time frames where you just have to wait.
thanx to the people who hooked me up with info for metro.
i did find the website.
its a bit confusing, so i think i'll just jack other peoples' knowledge about it.
good to have friends. and even friends of friends....
po's prolly movin in.
checkin out ryans room and all.
lea came by.
for some reason i thought she hadnt seen the house before.
then it all came back.... dumbass.
i guess they (her and ashley) found a house. cool beans.
i think ashleigh doesnt like the sound of an ashley. heh.
oh well. cant do nothin bout that.
shes on a fruit only diet. with the occasional everything but potato-free potato chips.
so much shit goin on with her medically.. its sad.
and theres nothing you can do.
shes just dealing.
theres always something new everytime.
geez....
so jeremys sister or something got into a car accident last night.
and jeremy also went to the mariner's game.
too many people copying =)
what is there to do?
tomorrow im going to look into shoreline again.
see if i really cant register...
i also have to do something about my car.
still need to get that bus schedule.
but i think i got that under contol....soon.
i need a fucking hair cut.
mines longer than manuels...
im a fucking hippie.
screw yetties.
no car = suck.
people do shit w/o you cuz you cant get there.
ok. weirdness.
this chic that was ashleigh high school closest friend, but til recently mortal enemy.
yeh. she and her made amends yesterday.
this chic took her to shoreline, and now shes fucking registered there....
before me!!
i wonder if i'll see her there....
i cant remember what times i wanted to take my shit.
im sure its probably all full anyway cuz i want to take it.
fucking school.
babble babble.
i need some direction.
ok. ashleigh.
it still seems im limited with how much i can communicate.
theres like this barrier of shit that i cant talk about.
but i guess its ok.
this shits still so weird.
do you have any ideA?
i want my computer.
using other peoples sux.
theres certain time frames where you just have to wait.
thanx to the people who hooked me up with info for metro.
i did find the website.
its a bit confusing, so i think i'll just jack other peoples' knowledge about it.
good to have friends. and even friends of friends....
po's prolly movin in.
checkin out ryans room and all.
lea came by.
for some reason i thought she hadnt seen the house before.
then it all came back.... dumbass.
i guess they (her and ashley) found a house. cool beans.
i think ashleigh doesnt like the sound of an ashley. heh.
oh well. cant do nothin bout that.
shes on a fruit only diet. with the occasional everything but potato-free potato chips.
so much shit goin on with her medically.. its sad.
and theres nothing you can do.
shes just dealing.
theres always something new everytime.
geez....
so jeremys sister or something got into a car accident last night.
and jeremy also went to the mariner's game.
too many people copying =)
what is there to do?
tomorrow im going to look into shoreline again.
see if i really cant register...
i also have to do something about my car.
still need to get that bus schedule.
but i think i got that under contol....soon.
i need a fucking hair cut.
mines longer than manuels...
im a fucking hippie.
screw yetties.
no car = suck.
people do shit w/o you cuz you cant get there.
ok. weirdness.
this chic that was ashleigh high school closest friend, but til recently mortal enemy.
yeh. she and her made amends yesterday.
this chic took her to shoreline, and now shes fucking registered there....
before me!!
i wonder if i'll see her there....
i cant remember what times i wanted to take my shit.
im sure its probably all full anyway cuz i want to take it.
fucking school.
babble babble.
i need some direction.
hung out with ashleigh then met up with kev and jeremy.
jeremy lives right next to a bowling alley.
but this one is so the opposite of any other ive been to.
its all kiddy-sized. no smoking and half the balls are less than 10 lbs.
the chic working there had a hard-on for me.
i asked if we could turn on the tv, so she gave me the remote.
i guess theres really no one in there either thats over 10 yrs old.
it was a fun ass game.
all the pins seemed to fall for me, yet i still got half of perfect.
the balls were fucking greezy and kept getting stuck so that chic would have to go get them.
the other reason this place was cool is cuz it clocked your balls.
jeremy got one going 23.5 mph.
but it closes at 9 and is only open thurs - sun.
weird huh?
not having a driveable car sux.
i feel trapped.
i need to learn the bus route by saturday.
jeremy lives right next to a bowling alley.
but this one is so the opposite of any other ive been to.
its all kiddy-sized. no smoking and half the balls are less than 10 lbs.
the chic working there had a hard-on for me.
i asked if we could turn on the tv, so she gave me the remote.
i guess theres really no one in there either thats over 10 yrs old.
it was a fun ass game.
all the pins seemed to fall for me, yet i still got half of perfect.
the balls were fucking greezy and kept getting stuck so that chic would have to go get them.
the other reason this place was cool is cuz it clocked your balls.
jeremy got one going 23.5 mph.
but it closes at 9 and is only open thurs - sun.
weird huh?
not having a driveable car sux.
i feel trapped.
i need to learn the bus route by saturday.
shit.
now my sister even has her own blog...
copier.
she speaks amidese (nuts [hehe]) so beware.
it may be incomprehensible.
oh. and if she ever writes about me:
fibs. all of it ;)
her friends have got it goin on now too.
shes got them linked on her site.
amideez too.
alright. done til later today.
i feel boredom setting in.
now my sister even has her own blog...
copier.
she speaks amidese (nuts [hehe]) so beware.
it may be incomprehensible.
oh. and if she ever writes about me:
fibs. all of it ;)
her friends have got it goin on now too.
shes got them linked on her site.
amideez too.
alright. done til later today.
i feel boredom setting in.
tee hee.
i just got up on the account that i dont have work today cuz of my ded car =) =/
but i got an email from the guys at hard-drives.
the guy sed he forgot where we left off.
(meaning he lost my credit card # that i gave to him over the phone the last time there was a problem on tuesday.)
so hopefully this guy wont get this mixed up with the 346705 other things he has to do today and get my shit on its way....
one thing after another.
are these my karma ghosts?
what the hell did i do?
i guess its not all that bad.
but i need to figure out how to get my ass to work everyday now til my car gets fixed.
is there fuckin like metro.com or some shit?
im on it.
i just got up on the account that i dont have work today cuz of my ded car =) =/
but i got an email from the guys at hard-drives.
the guy sed he forgot where we left off.
(meaning he lost my credit card # that i gave to him over the phone the last time there was a problem on tuesday.)
so hopefully this guy wont get this mixed up with the 346705 other things he has to do today and get my shit on its way....
one thing after another.
are these my karma ghosts?
what the hell did i do?
i guess its not all that bad.
but i need to figure out how to get my ass to work everyday now til my car gets fixed.
is there fuckin like metro.com or some shit?
im on it.
lets see.
other shit:
i feel like everyone has all the emapthy in the world for manuel (which i also do).
but when it comes to ashleigh it seems like: is he bitching about her again? when will he learn?
but really, whos going to now come up to me and say, oh, i feel so bad for you.
yeh. im just jealous. thats a fucked up area to be yearning for attention.
so manuel wants to become a norgie.
well at least as amidy sez, ballard = sex for free.
you'll figure it out.... ;)
btw. just for the record:
i didnt do it all for the nookie.
but i did break stuff. =P
other shit:
i feel like everyone has all the emapthy in the world for manuel (which i also do).
but when it comes to ashleigh it seems like: is he bitching about her again? when will he learn?
but really, whos going to now come up to me and say, oh, i feel so bad for you.
yeh. im just jealous. thats a fucked up area to be yearning for attention.
so manuel wants to become a norgie.
well at least as amidy sez, ballard = sex for free.
you'll figure it out.... ;)
btw. just for the record:
i didnt do it all for the nookie.
but i did break stuff. =P
mkay.
so im coming back from amidys after surprising her with boyz n the hood, and i remember how manuel was saying that i should try taking 80th back home.
so i do this shit.
but as im approaching fremont, this jackass runs a stop sign from my right side, i might be speeding, but not by much at all... maybe 5mph, but i skid right into the fucker.
my driver side front corner hits this guys front passenger side door. totally fucks up that door. yay crumple zones! his whole door is mashed in, and the window is kinda peeled out, and the door wont quite shut at the top anymore seeing as how its all FUCT UP!
so this guy, i take him to be turkish, or something like that, gets out.
do you have car insurance? how fast were you going?
the person behind me sticks her head out the window and asks if we're all ok.
yeah, im fine. i kinda hit my knees against the dash as i slid, but its all good.
so the place where we hit was kinda like infront of our house, with the whole steps on the corner thing.
i pushed his car up right about a foot away from the steps, looking like he was trying to make his way up them....
so i mentioned his damage....
as for mine, the left left is totally broke.. at least the glass, but the light itself works, although its pointed up.
i'd get behind cars and it'd flash in their car like i was some huge fucking SUV.
also if there were trees or houses on a hill, i'd shine my light up in that. its pretty much a 45 degree angle.
so also as im driving home, the fucking seatbelt light kept flashing at me all pissed like, and i once in a while would hear a scraping, which i figured out was the squished fender rubbing up against the tire....
i made my way home fine. taking the quieter roads, but i dont think i'll be making it into work, unless i figure out how this metro thing works...
i called them and they left a message for the opening boss. (cuz i myself was supposed to open at 7, being the only cashier. so im thinkin theyre not gunna like that so much....)
but back to the legality and faults of it all.
the chic cop, who was hot for a cop, seperated me and the guy after she showed up like 10 mins later....
at first she was all about talking to that ass, but eventually she came up to me, and sed that he got a ticket and it was his fault.
oh jeah! suck for his bitch ass. trying to fault me. that ass.
she sed he has the responsibility of making sure that the intersections clear (of course) and even though i might have been speeding, its still his bad.
(i told the cop i was maybe going 35 - 40, but in actuality, i think i was just under 35, cuz for some reason [i guess for good reason] i was paranoid with the dark and all)
so. yeh. what a bitch. i have to figure out how to get to work now....
i guess my sister got into an accident just last sunday. but that one was HER fault =D i always knew i was the better child ;)
so yeh. the people came outta the house and asked if everyone was alright, and sed that theres a crash there about every month. hmmm.
theres lights at like every other intersection up and down 80th except for that one. but of course the other ones are major streets....
i can still see that jackass. theres no way in fuck he coulda made that stop... he was just going to damn fast.
if he had stopped at the sign, i bet he coulda avoided getting hit if he wasnt going like 30 himself.
he knew he was fucked. he was looking for ways out of it with me...
dick.
but why was i so calm.
the cop told us to wait in our cars, so i just turned on the radio and closed my eyes til i herd a flashlight knock at the window telling me i can go and that that guys to BuhLAME!
so i guess this shit happens. and its kinda cool, cuz now its like you can see how youre getting responsible. mommy and daddy dont need to and cant get your back all the time.
no one feel bad for what happened. shit may have led up to it, but... its all good.
another experience.
another chance to learn.
well.. i guess i wont be the one driving to edmonds tomorrow.
kevin wont really be either, seeing as how his mom took away his car.
so maybe we arent going...?....
thats too bad.
i would like to say, that im the only one on the verge of depression here.
oh, and that was my first time seeing boyz n the hood.
when it came out everyone was saying how evil of a movie it was.
but i really liked it.
its kinda funny though, how it seems that this movie and friday are oddly alike.
ice cube kicks ass. especially with a name like doughboy.
i never knew laurence fishbourne and cuba gooding jr were in it.
cuba was good. but is it just me, or did he get lighter?
so im coming back from amidys after surprising her with boyz n the hood, and i remember how manuel was saying that i should try taking 80th back home.
so i do this shit.
but as im approaching fremont, this jackass runs a stop sign from my right side, i might be speeding, but not by much at all... maybe 5mph, but i skid right into the fucker.
my driver side front corner hits this guys front passenger side door. totally fucks up that door. yay crumple zones! his whole door is mashed in, and the window is kinda peeled out, and the door wont quite shut at the top anymore seeing as how its all FUCT UP!
so this guy, i take him to be turkish, or something like that, gets out.
do you have car insurance? how fast were you going?
the person behind me sticks her head out the window and asks if we're all ok.
yeah, im fine. i kinda hit my knees against the dash as i slid, but its all good.
so the place where we hit was kinda like infront of our house, with the whole steps on the corner thing.
i pushed his car up right about a foot away from the steps, looking like he was trying to make his way up them....
so i mentioned his damage....
as for mine, the left left is totally broke.. at least the glass, but the light itself works, although its pointed up.
i'd get behind cars and it'd flash in their car like i was some huge fucking SUV.
also if there were trees or houses on a hill, i'd shine my light up in that. its pretty much a 45 degree angle.
so also as im driving home, the fucking seatbelt light kept flashing at me all pissed like, and i once in a while would hear a scraping, which i figured out was the squished fender rubbing up against the tire....
i made my way home fine. taking the quieter roads, but i dont think i'll be making it into work, unless i figure out how this metro thing works...
i called them and they left a message for the opening boss. (cuz i myself was supposed to open at 7, being the only cashier. so im thinkin theyre not gunna like that so much....)
but back to the legality and faults of it all.
the chic cop, who was hot for a cop, seperated me and the guy after she showed up like 10 mins later....
at first she was all about talking to that ass, but eventually she came up to me, and sed that he got a ticket and it was his fault.
oh jeah! suck for his bitch ass. trying to fault me. that ass.
she sed he has the responsibility of making sure that the intersections clear (of course) and even though i might have been speeding, its still his bad.
(i told the cop i was maybe going 35 - 40, but in actuality, i think i was just under 35, cuz for some reason [i guess for good reason] i was paranoid with the dark and all)
so. yeh. what a bitch. i have to figure out how to get to work now....
i guess my sister got into an accident just last sunday. but that one was HER fault =D i always knew i was the better child ;)
so yeh. the people came outta the house and asked if everyone was alright, and sed that theres a crash there about every month. hmmm.
theres lights at like every other intersection up and down 80th except for that one. but of course the other ones are major streets....
i can still see that jackass. theres no way in fuck he coulda made that stop... he was just going to damn fast.
if he had stopped at the sign, i bet he coulda avoided getting hit if he wasnt going like 30 himself.
he knew he was fucked. he was looking for ways out of it with me...
dick.
but why was i so calm.
the cop told us to wait in our cars, so i just turned on the radio and closed my eyes til i herd a flashlight knock at the window telling me i can go and that that guys to BuhLAME!
so i guess this shit happens. and its kinda cool, cuz now its like you can see how youre getting responsible. mommy and daddy dont need to and cant get your back all the time.
no one feel bad for what happened. shit may have led up to it, but... its all good.
another experience.
another chance to learn.
well.. i guess i wont be the one driving to edmonds tomorrow.
kevin wont really be either, seeing as how his mom took away his car.
so maybe we arent going...?....
thats too bad.
i would like to say, that im the only one on the verge of depression here.
oh, and that was my first time seeing boyz n the hood.
when it came out everyone was saying how evil of a movie it was.
but i really liked it.
its kinda funny though, how it seems that this movie and friday are oddly alike.
ice cube kicks ass. especially with a name like doughboy.
i never knew laurence fishbourne and cuba gooding jr were in it.
cuba was good. but is it just me, or did he get lighter?
8.22.2001
heh. i give amidy shit for blogging so much....
but what else is there to do when youre bored and on the verge of depression?
but what else is there to do when youre bored and on the verge of depression?
my feelings:
akward, confused, in the way, on the side, looked over, and sometimes shat upon.
why dont i hardly ever get hungry anymore?
i eat like once a day.
thats how fuking lazy i am.
akward, confused, in the way, on the side, looked over, and sometimes shat upon.
why dont i hardly ever get hungry anymore?
i eat like once a day.
thats how fuking lazy i am.
i was reading over wanks response to my lacking some fundamental social skill.
i just realized today, well, let me get it straight.
ive known before that i have trouble with eye contact, but today i realized that i dont have trouble when it comes to little toddlers.
they just give you this look. its almost a stare, but its pretty blank. its just like their taking you in.
theyre just curious.
i can look deep into their eyes, maybe even make a face at them to hold their attention longer.
kids like to look at me. theyre mesmerized. im sure its like that with every other person too,
but i guess its kinda just a good feeling.
shit. i had it worked out in my head.
now putting it down it sounds stupid.
be either way, i cant look at people my own age or older in the eye.
be it an inferiority complex, a height issue, whatever.
i dont know.
i struggle to, its hard.
i just realized today, well, let me get it straight.
ive known before that i have trouble with eye contact, but today i realized that i dont have trouble when it comes to little toddlers.
they just give you this look. its almost a stare, but its pretty blank. its just like their taking you in.
theyre just curious.
i can look deep into their eyes, maybe even make a face at them to hold their attention longer.
kids like to look at me. theyre mesmerized. im sure its like that with every other person too,
but i guess its kinda just a good feeling.
shit. i had it worked out in my head.
now putting it down it sounds stupid.
be either way, i cant look at people my own age or older in the eye.
be it an inferiority complex, a height issue, whatever.
i dont know.
i struggle to, its hard.
well.
lets see. today i guess the weather hit everyone.
everyone was out getting coffee makers. it was kinda weird.
this 60 yr old mexican chic has a crush on me, and knew my name w/o seeing my nametag. um. ehhhhwwewww..
oh. my room smells like ass.
but i guess thats just what asshOles do.....
im fuckin bored. its time to call people again.
oh yeh. and if po were amidy. ya know what i'd tell him?
dood. you need the biggest case of jaundice ever....
and overpower everyones blockers good.
dammit manuel. dont move to ballard.
you were telling me how it was kinda suck to drive to ballard to just work for 4 hrs...
well shit. youre just going to drive to UW from ballard to go to school for a few hrs.
ok.. theres work too.. fuck you =P
dont do it.
whats goin on?
things seem a little off.
like ive missed something...
but no. ive been here the whole time.
i think its other people that have been gone for a bit.
lets see. today i guess the weather hit everyone.
everyone was out getting coffee makers. it was kinda weird.
this 60 yr old mexican chic has a crush on me, and knew my name w/o seeing my nametag. um. ehhhhwwewww..
oh. my room smells like ass.
but i guess thats just what asshOles do.....
im fuckin bored. its time to call people again.
oh yeh. and if po were amidy. ya know what i'd tell him?
dood. you need the biggest case of jaundice ever....
and overpower everyones blockers good.
dammit manuel. dont move to ballard.
you were telling me how it was kinda suck to drive to ballard to just work for 4 hrs...
well shit. youre just going to drive to UW from ballard to go to school for a few hrs.
ok.. theres work too.. fuck you =P
dont do it.
whats goin on?
things seem a little off.
like ive missed something...
but no. ive been here the whole time.
i think its other people that have been gone for a bit.
if you check out dans blog, you'll see that i was a little bizay last night ;)
and cuz im gay, and bored at work, i jacked another one cent penny.
this one turned out to be the oldest yet. 1916. WWI style.
damn thats old.
and cuz im gay, and bored at work, i jacked another one cent penny.
this one turned out to be the oldest yet. 1916. WWI style.
damn thats old.
8.21.2001
I CANT DFUKING DO IT!
i cANt win!
smash court is against mE!
tie breakers and shit.
a real player would help.
someone whos got your biack.
i can only win if B is on my team.
otherwise im shat. its beyond me.
i hate that fucking game.
in other important news.
anyone who keeps up on the news (which apparently isnt me)
jeter (is that how you spell the guys name?) and a rod got in a quarrel over a chic.
some speculate that its josh sister.
i was talking to him earlier about sausage and tossed salads, but i didnt know about this til just recently when keith called inviting me to a game.
i'll hafta ask him the next time hes online.
crazy shiznit.
and of course josh will think nothing of it... what a weirdo!
i cANt win!
smash court is against mE!
tie breakers and shit.
a real player would help.
someone whos got your biack.
i can only win if B is on my team.
otherwise im shat. its beyond me.
i hate that fucking game.
in other important news.
anyone who keeps up on the news (which apparently isnt me)
jeter (is that how you spell the guys name?) and a rod got in a quarrel over a chic.
some speculate that its josh sister.
i was talking to him earlier about sausage and tossed salads, but i didnt know about this til just recently when keith called inviting me to a game.
i'll hafta ask him the next time hes online.
crazy shiznit.
and of course josh will think nothing of it... what a weirdo!
huh. i was talkin to my dad on monday.
he had just rented and watched unbreakable.
ya know, the one with bruce willis and samuel L.
anyway, he was saying how he liked the idea that bruce would wake up everyday and kinda be depressed,
cuz he wasnt doing what he was supposed to be doing in life, til he finally found out what he was capable of....
see, although im not to that point yet, im kinda iffy on what im going to do.
cuz i have somewhat an idea of what i'd like to do as an occupation.. well.. ive narrowed it down to science. =/
but it seems like thats the kinda thing that would led you to a dead end.
who wants a archaeologist, geologist, (marine) biologist, botanist, oceanographer?
and what the hell can you do when you are one?
fuh.
i dont have the confidence, yet i really dont know what im getting into when im thinking about all this...
i guess im just trying to push it off.
savour the school years that i have left to enjoy before i have to figure out what im going to be when i grow up.
i could never answer that fucking question. i hate(d) it.
so.
i want to do something right now..
go out i guess.
i'll give my half-assed attempt to make something happen.
late.
he had just rented and watched unbreakable.
ya know, the one with bruce willis and samuel L.
anyway, he was saying how he liked the idea that bruce would wake up everyday and kinda be depressed,
cuz he wasnt doing what he was supposed to be doing in life, til he finally found out what he was capable of....
see, although im not to that point yet, im kinda iffy on what im going to do.
cuz i have somewhat an idea of what i'd like to do as an occupation.. well.. ive narrowed it down to science. =/
but it seems like thats the kinda thing that would led you to a dead end.
who wants a archaeologist, geologist, (marine) biologist, botanist, oceanographer?
and what the hell can you do when you are one?
fuh.
i dont have the confidence, yet i really dont know what im getting into when im thinking about all this...
i guess im just trying to push it off.
savour the school years that i have left to enjoy before i have to figure out what im going to be when i grow up.
i could never answer that fucking question. i hate(d) it.
so.
i want to do something right now..
go out i guess.
i'll give my half-assed attempt to make something happen.
late.
damn that was bitter.
fuck me.
guess what i did.
i hung out with ashleigh.
guess who was with her.
kevin.
quite strange, but its all good.
i guess kevin called what he thought was my cel phone but was actually the house phone and he got all confused when WAnk answered.
ya know. shes still fun. we're still longing for that comfort we had.
but i dont think i could have what we had before. im still damaged.
i met her step-father again for the first time since back in april..
we shook. "you arent going to fall in love again are you?"
"no, sir."
and shit. for some reason, zoe adores me (her little sister).
she saw me, jumped up and latched onto me.
she made me pick her up and talked to me about her day at wild waves....
i liked seeing her again. its always cool to feel important.
her mom was surprised to see me, but didnt make a big fuss about it (why should she?)
speaking of feeling important.
you know who sux?
those people that you hang with kinda, but its where you have to put in all the effort to see them.
you have to make the call, have the plans. otherwise they wouldnt think at all of calling you....
i was thinking today that chris and kevin now fall into this category, but i guess thats blown to shit since kev tried to call me today.
oh, and i guess from what kevin sed i wouldnt really want to hang with chris right now... his woman is coming back into town in 34 hrs, was the last count.
i guess hes a cranky mother fucker right now... thats a boy that can do some damage if he wanted.
i guess he was such an ass that a chic at his work quit cuz of him. hehe.
so. i dont want to be sucked back into the hole.
but i do want my friendship back.
we remember how it was.
i think we can keep it platonic, or whatever the word is....
my personality allows for people to take advantage of me, and i wont know what hit me til its blown by.....
sux... dont it?
fuck me.
guess what i did.
i hung out with ashleigh.
guess who was with her.
kevin.
quite strange, but its all good.
i guess kevin called what he thought was my cel phone but was actually the house phone and he got all confused when WAnk answered.
ya know. shes still fun. we're still longing for that comfort we had.
but i dont think i could have what we had before. im still damaged.
i met her step-father again for the first time since back in april..
we shook. "you arent going to fall in love again are you?"
"no, sir."
and shit. for some reason, zoe adores me (her little sister).
she saw me, jumped up and latched onto me.
she made me pick her up and talked to me about her day at wild waves....
i liked seeing her again. its always cool to feel important.
her mom was surprised to see me, but didnt make a big fuss about it (why should she?)
speaking of feeling important.
you know who sux?
those people that you hang with kinda, but its where you have to put in all the effort to see them.
you have to make the call, have the plans. otherwise they wouldnt think at all of calling you....
i was thinking today that chris and kevin now fall into this category, but i guess thats blown to shit since kev tried to call me today.
oh, and i guess from what kevin sed i wouldnt really want to hang with chris right now... his woman is coming back into town in 34 hrs, was the last count.
i guess hes a cranky mother fucker right now... thats a boy that can do some damage if he wanted.
i guess he was such an ass that a chic at his work quit cuz of him. hehe.
so. i dont want to be sucked back into the hole.
but i do want my friendship back.
we remember how it was.
i think we can keep it platonic, or whatever the word is....
my personality allows for people to take advantage of me, and i wont know what hit me til its blown by.....
sux... dont it?
8.20.2001
just a shitload of earwax. eww.ww.
a little better. but not back to normal.
damn that shit hurt.
he flushed it all out.
a little better. but not back to normal.
damn that shit hurt.
he flushed it all out.
ashleigh....
why was i so smitten by love?
now that i talk to her, i cant but think how all she has to say is related to some movie or something from TV.
she has nothing of her own to say.
along with that, shes now reduced herself to being a freeloader.
work was too hard for her TWICE, so she stopped. the bookstore got too hot for her, the helicopter dealy worked her too much...
now shes at home, with her only obligations of turning over so her ass doesnt get nasty soars on them.
she has no effort to look for a job, and i think she'll only go to LW tech from force.
why am i so harsh?
why cant i stand her anymore?
maybe because of how she treated me, and now she acts like nothing had happen..
no fucking apologies evER! and we somehow got into little spats of things that bother me, like how maegan stood me up 3 times, and that i wouldnt talk to her (she brought up that part, and justified it by saying that she got sick and maegan got the blame for it.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!! HAS THERE NOT BEEN AN INVENTION CALLED THE PHONE!??! DOES SHE NOT KEEP ONE STRAPPED TO HER AT ALMOST ALL TIMES?!?!)
fuck her. i was thinking about stopping by and seeing her today... as an ass random uninvited show-up just like back in the day, and also do get back at her for doing it to my unexpected ass. but shit. i dont know.
she seems so hopeless. still!... i tried to get her out of that funk, but she wouldnt let me..
she HAD TO DO IT ON HER OWN.
shit. i dont want to get drug down anymore. pissabamos.
as yesterdays fine ass weather accompanied by my location at work...
theres a lotta fine ass women out there.
but they all got their hitches. be it smoking or just not the right attitude.
where can i find what i want?
maybe im too picky.
im not saying to go as far on the other side of the spectrum like kevin and be with chix who you describe as, "not the prettiest of her roomates."
but you know. someone that you can talk to and have a good time with. and can share shit.
i guess kevin can do that. but you have to have ... whats the word?.... confidence in your chic.
seriously.
manuel. you ass.
you write so well. i hate you.
my words dont ever come out so as to make a clear distinguished point.
thats probably why i keep my mouth shut a lot of the time...
anyway.
fucking doctor time.
i'll letcha know if i can hear afterward.
peace yall.
why was i so smitten by love?
now that i talk to her, i cant but think how all she has to say is related to some movie or something from TV.
she has nothing of her own to say.
along with that, shes now reduced herself to being a freeloader.
work was too hard for her TWICE, so she stopped. the bookstore got too hot for her, the helicopter dealy worked her too much...
now shes at home, with her only obligations of turning over so her ass doesnt get nasty soars on them.
she has no effort to look for a job, and i think she'll only go to LW tech from force.
why am i so harsh?
why cant i stand her anymore?
maybe because of how she treated me, and now she acts like nothing had happen..
no fucking apologies evER! and we somehow got into little spats of things that bother me, like how maegan stood me up 3 times, and that i wouldnt talk to her (she brought up that part, and justified it by saying that she got sick and maegan got the blame for it.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!! HAS THERE NOT BEEN AN INVENTION CALLED THE PHONE!??! DOES SHE NOT KEEP ONE STRAPPED TO HER AT ALMOST ALL TIMES?!?!)
fuck her. i was thinking about stopping by and seeing her today... as an ass random uninvited show-up just like back in the day, and also do get back at her for doing it to my unexpected ass. but shit. i dont know.
she seems so hopeless. still!... i tried to get her out of that funk, but she wouldnt let me..
she HAD TO DO IT ON HER OWN.
shit. i dont want to get drug down anymore. pissabamos.
as yesterdays fine ass weather accompanied by my location at work...
theres a lotta fine ass women out there.
but they all got their hitches. be it smoking or just not the right attitude.
where can i find what i want?
maybe im too picky.
im not saying to go as far on the other side of the spectrum like kevin and be with chix who you describe as, "not the prettiest of her roomates."
but you know. someone that you can talk to and have a good time with. and can share shit.
i guess kevin can do that. but you have to have ... whats the word?.... confidence in your chic.
seriously.
manuel. you ass.
you write so well. i hate you.
my words dont ever come out so as to make a clear distinguished point.
thats probably why i keep my mouth shut a lot of the time...
anyway.
fucking doctor time.
i'll letcha know if i can hear afterward.
peace yall.
i feel like im missing out on a lot with this impairment.
i feel i might have had this when i was younger, and thats why im a little inept when it comes to casual conversationalism.
i never learned, or something.
you learn all the basic shit when youre little.
you can see it in people our age or older.
how they react to something can be childish if you look at it right.
(taking praise or criticism.)
for some fucking strange reason, i have a hard time accepting compliments.
i feel either that i dont earn them, or that it doesnt have to be reiterated or said out-loud.
i get pissed when flat-out told what to do (unless by a boss)
but im fucking eager as ever to learn.
id like to have people correct me when needed.
or simply show how its done.
how did i get on this?
late nite. bored. i guess.
always on a different schedule... always.
manuel values space vs. amount.
fuck him =)
only cuz i know its true too.
shit.=/
i waited with clenched cheeks, only to be let down.
but i cant blame him.
this is how i always forget my points.
my mind wanders onto equally intruiging topics, but in the middle of others....
what was i talking about earlier?
meh. too lazy to look back.
a lot of good answers locked up in my fucking skull.
that jason guy has a lot of good shit to say about ones life.
i guess drugs can open you up to that shit.
its good but its bad.
i.e. the more you learn in your job, the more there is thats expected of you....
more pressure. more stress. more worrying. more thoughts. more problems.
hes my stereotypical (psuedo)bartender. my advisor. the guy i bounce shit off of, and he gives me a lot to think about and reflect on.
you know what i mean... or else it wouldnt be a stereotype.
did you know that mexicans (spanish speakers), the true blood mother fuckers....
when you put them in an english speaking environment, they cant for the life of them say stereo?
for some reason they always want to put an E before it. estereo.
who knows why? but i guess some of you fuckers cant roll your Rs either.
estoy borracho.
see!: estoy
im eagerly awaiting school. i dont know if i'll get any classes i want.
but im not looking forward to telling work to change my schedule, even though that funky toofed guy was nice about it the last time.
i just hate telling people how i want it.
who am i to lay the smack down?
but i guess i need to tell them how it is, or else i suffer for it.
theres always another motive pushing you......
good thing. i guess.....sometimes.....
girls seem to be rather impersonal unless it involves them.
like... fuck anyone that doesnt pertain to their wants or needs.
when theyre done. youre out. hmm. i guess thats boyish too.
but theyre not as innocent as everyone is led to believe and wants people to believe....
thats all im saying.
girls are now pulling the same turnabout that minorities have been.
that people are still seeing it how it was so many years ago.
but this shit aint true.
just because its claimed to be tradition. that dont mean shit.
im getting more and more vauge. i just shit i dont really want to share.
i better be off.
i have a doc appt. in less than 12 hrs.
but if this guy lives up to the reputation that ive given him, i'll end up with two bad ears or bad to worse, a ringing in the left one.
why do i keep going back? its habit, comfortable....
but shit. this guys told me that my chest had nothing wrong with it (tell that to the pain im feeling right now)
and also gave me an 11th fucking toenail on a botched surgery. well. not really 11th, but just a separate one.. so yeh. maybe 11. fucker.
he wouldnt give me any more booby rubs cuz he sed they werent working. (they only stopped working cuz i stopped going)
my sister has the same beliefs. she got off this boat one thanksgiving coming back from the bahamas, and its like she never left the boat... whobling back and forth..
tee hee. i say shes faking! so did the doc. HA!
ok. really. im through.
night to all you 9 - 5ers/mon - fri bitches!
i feel i might have had this when i was younger, and thats why im a little inept when it comes to casual conversationalism.
i never learned, or something.
you learn all the basic shit when youre little.
you can see it in people our age or older.
how they react to something can be childish if you look at it right.
(taking praise or criticism.)
for some fucking strange reason, i have a hard time accepting compliments.
i feel either that i dont earn them, or that it doesnt have to be reiterated or said out-loud.
i get pissed when flat-out told what to do (unless by a boss)
but im fucking eager as ever to learn.
id like to have people correct me when needed.
or simply show how its done.
how did i get on this?
late nite. bored. i guess.
always on a different schedule... always.
manuel values space vs. amount.
fuck him =)
only cuz i know its true too.
shit.=/
i waited with clenched cheeks, only to be let down.
but i cant blame him.
this is how i always forget my points.
my mind wanders onto equally intruiging topics, but in the middle of others....
what was i talking about earlier?
meh. too lazy to look back.
a lot of good answers locked up in my fucking skull.
that jason guy has a lot of good shit to say about ones life.
i guess drugs can open you up to that shit.
its good but its bad.
i.e. the more you learn in your job, the more there is thats expected of you....
more pressure. more stress. more worrying. more thoughts. more problems.
hes my stereotypical (psuedo)bartender. my advisor. the guy i bounce shit off of, and he gives me a lot to think about and reflect on.
you know what i mean... or else it wouldnt be a stereotype.
did you know that mexicans (spanish speakers), the true blood mother fuckers....
when you put them in an english speaking environment, they cant for the life of them say stereo?
for some reason they always want to put an E before it. estereo.
who knows why? but i guess some of you fuckers cant roll your Rs either.
estoy borracho.
see!: estoy
im eagerly awaiting school. i dont know if i'll get any classes i want.
but im not looking forward to telling work to change my schedule, even though that funky toofed guy was nice about it the last time.
i just hate telling people how i want it.
who am i to lay the smack down?
but i guess i need to tell them how it is, or else i suffer for it.
theres always another motive pushing you......
good thing. i guess.....sometimes.....
girls seem to be rather impersonal unless it involves them.
like... fuck anyone that doesnt pertain to their wants or needs.
when theyre done. youre out. hmm. i guess thats boyish too.
but theyre not as innocent as everyone is led to believe and wants people to believe....
thats all im saying.
girls are now pulling the same turnabout that minorities have been.
that people are still seeing it how it was so many years ago.
but this shit aint true.
just because its claimed to be tradition. that dont mean shit.
im getting more and more vauge. i just shit i dont really want to share.
i better be off.
i have a doc appt. in less than 12 hrs.
but if this guy lives up to the reputation that ive given him, i'll end up with two bad ears or bad to worse, a ringing in the left one.
why do i keep going back? its habit, comfortable....
but shit. this guys told me that my chest had nothing wrong with it (tell that to the pain im feeling right now)
and also gave me an 11th fucking toenail on a botched surgery. well. not really 11th, but just a separate one.. so yeh. maybe 11. fucker.
he wouldnt give me any more booby rubs cuz he sed they werent working. (they only stopped working cuz i stopped going)
my sister has the same beliefs. she got off this boat one thanksgiving coming back from the bahamas, and its like she never left the boat... whobling back and forth..
tee hee. i say shes faking! so did the doc. HA!
ok. really. im through.
night to all you 9 - 5ers/mon - fri bitches!
i have a lot to think about and do tomorrow.
hopefully i'll be able to hear clearly again.
its kinda throbbing, but not really....
just enough noticeable to be hella annoying.
that chic at work that im to lame to actually have a real conversation with....
she smokes. ick.
i used to think that it didnt matter....
and i woulda considered it out of being desperate,
but smokers are annoying, always needing their little breaks.
sure its a damn good time for just standing around and shooting the shit.
but that shits still stank.
i feel hypocritical. but i think im justified.
what was it with today?
it seemed like i won over all the 30 yr old chix working there...
not in the way like that one chic, but just as a kinda like..
oh, they wish i was their son, or some stupid shit like that.
fuckin charm? i could hardly hear what anyone was saying, and i feel retarded when i hear myself talk.
airs home.
wo0t.
Bs home.
w0ot.
weekends over for yall.
not me, bitches!
hopefully i'll be able to hear clearly again.
its kinda throbbing, but not really....
just enough noticeable to be hella annoying.
that chic at work that im to lame to actually have a real conversation with....
she smokes. ick.
i used to think that it didnt matter....
and i woulda considered it out of being desperate,
but smokers are annoying, always needing their little breaks.
sure its a damn good time for just standing around and shooting the shit.
but that shits still stank.
i feel hypocritical. but i think im justified.
what was it with today?
it seemed like i won over all the 30 yr old chix working there...
not in the way like that one chic, but just as a kinda like..
oh, they wish i was their son, or some stupid shit like that.
fuckin charm? i could hardly hear what anyone was saying, and i feel retarded when i hear myself talk.
airs home.
wo0t.
Bs home.
w0ot.
weekends over for yall.
not me, bitches!
8.19.2001
fuck not hearing.
(stoopid cliche)
it makes you realize how much you take it for granted.
even out of one ear, i can hear a shit load of background noise, if not more than before,
but when it comes down to it, i cant focus.
focus meaning either what a certain person is saying to me. as in i want to focus in on them,
or even focusing in on where the noise is coming from. directionwise.
speaking of handicapps.
i was watching this guy walk around the store, and i was like "hmm. why does he have his arms in his shirt?
come to find out. the guy actually didnt have ARMS, and that was a pretty big chest... dont ask me how you work out your chest w/o arms. i couldnt say.
but anyway, this guy had one of our gimpy people that got carpel tunnel or something follow him around and help him shop, since it would kinda be hard to get things into the shopping cart. but when it came time to paying, he whipped out his debit card with his mouth and chin, slid the fucker between his teeth, and was done pushing all the buttons with a stub of a shoulder quicker than some of those retarded food stamp collecting retards. and all they claim is that they never got an edjumacation.
so i bag his shit up. put it back in his cart and off he goes.
he gets his wallet keys and shit up on his shoulder where he kinda has a little pouch of a carrier made by holding his shoulder stub up.
so then that carpel tunnel chic gets him out to his car.
but how the fuck does he drive? i guess there could be "arms" coming out to his little nubbins or something.
i dunno.
but that man did a good job at adapting to his shat situation.
i'll tell you that.
(stoopid cliche)
it makes you realize how much you take it for granted.
even out of one ear, i can hear a shit load of background noise, if not more than before,
but when it comes down to it, i cant focus.
focus meaning either what a certain person is saying to me. as in i want to focus in on them,
or even focusing in on where the noise is coming from. directionwise.
speaking of handicapps.
i was watching this guy walk around the store, and i was like "hmm. why does he have his arms in his shirt?
come to find out. the guy actually didnt have ARMS, and that was a pretty big chest... dont ask me how you work out your chest w/o arms. i couldnt say.
but anyway, this guy had one of our gimpy people that got carpel tunnel or something follow him around and help him shop, since it would kinda be hard to get things into the shopping cart. but when it came time to paying, he whipped out his debit card with his mouth and chin, slid the fucker between his teeth, and was done pushing all the buttons with a stub of a shoulder quicker than some of those retarded food stamp collecting retards. and all they claim is that they never got an edjumacation.
so i bag his shit up. put it back in his cart and off he goes.
he gets his wallet keys and shit up on his shoulder where he kinda has a little pouch of a carrier made by holding his shoulder stub up.
so then that carpel tunnel chic gets him out to his car.
but how the fuck does he drive? i guess there could be "arms" coming out to his little nubbins or something.
i dunno.
but that man did a good job at adapting to his shat situation.
i'll tell you that.
8.18.2001
damn! was all that shit outside of husky stadium for the flaming seahawks?
there was a line of buses parked in the left lane on montlake like it was 5 pm in the afternoon and everyones trying to get to the freeway.
you know one of the scariest things thats happened to me lately, er, rather tonight.
i caught the tail end of everyone leaving the game as well.
fucking dark out, 10 something.
im going past husky stadium, now on my way home, and in the "cant stop for yellow" zone,
the fucking stop light just goes OUT!
sweet fucking jesus.
it wasnt anything bad, cuz those going on the green (as in my case), kept going, and those stopped, stayed as they were.
but shit. you dont realize how much light those actually put out.
heh. i even herd a lady scream.... that was funny.
side thought:
ever wonder if things happen for a reason?
or at least youre really glad with the outcome?
yeh. im going nowhere with this......
night yall.
kinda
there was a line of buses parked in the left lane on montlake like it was 5 pm in the afternoon and everyones trying to get to the freeway.
you know one of the scariest things thats happened to me lately, er, rather tonight.
i caught the tail end of everyone leaving the game as well.
fucking dark out, 10 something.
im going past husky stadium, now on my way home, and in the "cant stop for yellow" zone,
the fucking stop light just goes OUT!
sweet fucking jesus.
it wasnt anything bad, cuz those going on the green (as in my case), kept going, and those stopped, stayed as they were.
but shit. you dont realize how much light those actually put out.
heh. i even herd a lady scream.... that was funny.
side thought:
ever wonder if things happen for a reason?
or at least youre really glad with the outcome?
yeh. im going nowhere with this......
night yall.
kinda
8.17.2001
maturity is layed.
its just a cover on the old way you used to deal with an uncomfortable situation.
i dont want to get into anything tonight.
bye
its just a cover on the old way you used to deal with an uncomfortable situation.
i dont want to get into anything tonight.
bye
i had the aquarium today.
1st time ever.
ive been to the one in monterey, so you cant really say that ive been missing out.
but anyway. its amazing to see how things have adapted. become more hydrodynamic and shit. streamlined, if you will.
whats more amazing is that we stopped by the touch tank and this chic was spouting of random facts that i already knew from back in fucking high school when i did a report on echinodramata (starfish, sea cucumbers, and sea urchins). i guess i really do like that biology shit. or else i just have a knack for unimportant trivia.
the sea life wasnt the only entertainment. there were tourists from england. i love listening to them (if theyre on my right side =P )
why is it that they have to have different ways of saying all their fruits and vegetables? "it looks like its eating a ba(h)na(h)na(h)."
when i worked at blimpies, this dood came in and asked for "tom-ought-toes" it took me a while to register.
back in the days of school, my o chem prof whos english, and this other english chic in that class were talking about different names they had for squash and zuchinni.
what weird bastards.
we went to ye olde curiosity shoppe afterward, and i found out that this quarter-size coin that i got from work that i thought was from the middle east or somewhere is actually from thailand. go figure.
so i jizacked the penny-size coin that goes along with it. my bad. or something.
seems my sisters friends and their friends are all getting married.
theyre only a year or two ahead of us. even though i dont really know any of them. it still seems kinda weird. premature even.
i finally made an appt for my ear. i go in on monday. hopefully waiting wont hurt it more.
um. now im just searching for shit to write about. i better go then.
ha det bra.
1st time ever.
ive been to the one in monterey, so you cant really say that ive been missing out.
but anyway. its amazing to see how things have adapted. become more hydrodynamic and shit. streamlined, if you will.
whats more amazing is that we stopped by the touch tank and this chic was spouting of random facts that i already knew from back in fucking high school when i did a report on echinodramata (starfish
the sea life wasnt the only entertainment. there were tourists from england. i love listening to them (if theyre on my right side =P )
why is it that they have to have different ways of saying all their fruits and vegetables? "it looks like its eating a ba(h)na(h)na(h)."
when i worked at blimpies, this dood came in and asked for "tom-ought-toes" it took me a while to register.
back in the days of school, my o chem prof whos english, and this other english chic in that class were talking about different names they had for squash and zuchinni.
what weird bastards.
we went to ye olde curiosity shoppe afterward, and i found out that this quarter-size coin that i got from work that i thought was from the middle east or somewhere is actually from thailand. go figure.
so i jizacked the penny-size coin that goes along with it. my bad. or something.
seems my sisters friends and their friends are all getting married.
theyre only a year or two ahead of us. even though i dont really know any of them. it still seems kinda weird. premature even.
i finally made an appt for my ear. i go in on monday. hopefully waiting wont hurt it more.
um. now im just searching for shit to write about. i better go then.
ha det bra.
i was thinking about this earlier.
love.
a shady idea:
putting all your trust into someone.
wanting nothing more than to see the person you love happy. even if this entails sadness or pain on your part.
ashleigh, i loved.
but now. i dont know if i can truely love her. shes lost my trust.
i still wish to see her happy and enjoying life, but i cant seem to not think of her motives with me.
im paranoid, but maybe this time its because my doubts are actually justified and true.
love.
a shady idea:
putting all your trust into someone.
wanting nothing more than to see the person you love happy. even if this entails sadness or pain on your part.
ashleigh, i loved.
but now. i dont know if i can truely love her. shes lost my trust.
i still wish to see her happy and enjoying life, but i cant seem to not think of her motives with me.
im paranoid, but maybe this time its because my doubts are actually justified and true.
shit. manuel, gaf.
im pokemon FOOwad
Profile
You live in the blazing deserts of Hawaii, and your diet consists mostly of daisies, fruits and coffee.
Characteristics
(Combat and Non-combat)
You can breathe broken glass. You have mafia connections. You can shoot slime. You can spit ice bolts. You can throw 8-track tapes.
You can resist tahini. You can breathe hot death. You have a fear of Dr. Pepper. You can resist force bolts.
im pokemon FOOwad
Profile
You live in the blazing deserts of Hawaii, and your diet consists mostly of daisies, fruits and coffee.
Characteristics
(Combat and Non-combat)
You can breathe broken glass. You have mafia connections. You can shoot slime. You can spit ice bolts. You can throw 8-track tapes.
You can resist tahini. You can breathe hot death. You have a fear of Dr. Pepper. You can resist force bolts.
somebody tell me how "y" and "igh" make the same sound....
um.
sux that people look really hard for somewhere to live and turn up with shit... as of yet.
we so lucked out.
after house hunting with ashley, i went over to my parents place.
i gave some treats to our dog.
immediately after she thanked me by humping my leg and arm.
what a grip!
my parents sed she hasnt done that since they first got her.
maybe she smelled misty on me (lesbo),
or maybe i guess animals just really like me.
hearing out of one ear sux.
you miss a lot.
my sister put a hand on either side of my head and rubbed her fingers together making noise.
i had to actually ask if she was doing the same thing on both sides cuz i couldnt hear ANYTHING on my left side.
gaigh.
um.
sux that people look really hard for somewhere to live and turn up with shit... as of yet.
we so lucked out.
after house hunting with ashley, i went over to my parents place.
i gave some treats to our dog.
immediately after she thanked me by humping my leg and arm.
what a grip!
my parents sed she hasnt done that since they first got her.
maybe she smelled misty on me (lesbo),
or maybe i guess animals just really like me.
hearing out of one ear sux.
you miss a lot.
my sister put a hand on either side of my head and rubbed her fingers together making noise.
i had to actually ask if she was doing the same thing on both sides cuz i couldnt hear ANYTHING on my left side.
gaigh.
8.16.2001
8.15.2001
hey manuel.
get this.
she'll be back. after her extended "vacation". she'll be back.
she'll want to get back together with you again.
then the torment starts all over.
i know this.
its best to break the cycle.
cut off all contact.
yeh. i cant seem to do it either.
get this.
she'll be back. after her extended "vacation". she'll be back.
she'll want to get back together with you again.
then the torment starts all over.
i know this.
its best to break the cycle.
cut off all contact.
yeh. i cant seem to do it either.
i woke up this morning and couldnt hear out of my left ear.
i Q-tipped the shit out of it, but yet i still cant hear anything.
this takes me back to way back in the day when i needed tubes in my ears.
back when shit was clogged so every word echoed in your head, and it makes you sound so retarded to yourself,
like when you hear your voice played back after its been recorded.
6 hrs later and its still fuct.
i hate doctors. (cuz theyre dumb)
and because of that tubes in the ears incident, i have a complex about sticking shit in my ears.
i guess a lot of fears are childhood based, eh?
you know what i saw today as i was still in my daze?
the best parents are the ones that divert the child from doing what they shouldnt, rather than just saying NO repeatedly.
not only is it nicer, but it seems to work a hell of a lot better.
you gotta know how to think like the kid to do this.
my computer hates me now.
theres a memory prob.
i'll prolly just break down and get a new one.
good thing i have people around to tell me whats good and not... . i have no clue.
im one of those people that gets really nervous and says stupid things around people im interested in.
god i need practice... or maybe just confidence.
people try to help me.
but nothing ever sinks in unless you want it to.
its always "youre going to do what you want to do."
in many cases even if you know better.
i Q-tipped the shit out of it, but yet i still cant hear anything.
this takes me back to way back in the day when i needed tubes in my ears.
back when shit was clogged so every word echoed in your head, and it makes you sound so retarded to yourself,
like when you hear your voice played back after its been recorded.
6 hrs later and its still fuct.
i hate doctors. (cuz theyre dumb)
and because of that tubes in the ears incident, i have a complex about sticking shit in my ears.
i guess a lot of fears are childhood based, eh?
you know what i saw today as i was still in my daze?
the best parents are the ones that divert the child from doing what they shouldnt, rather than just saying NO repeatedly.
not only is it nicer, but it seems to work a hell of a lot better.
you gotta know how to think like the kid to do this.
my computer hates me now.
theres a memory prob.
i'll prolly just break down and get a new one.
good thing i have people around to tell me whats good and not... . i have no clue.
im one of those people that gets really nervous and says stupid things around people im interested in.
god i need practice... or maybe just confidence.
people try to help me.
but nothing ever sinks in unless you want it to.
its always "youre going to do what you want to do."
in many cases even if you know better.
is it more of a game, you shithead!
youre a playa and you dont even know it.
thats why you unintentionally get into deep shit.
dumbass!
quit being like that.
youre a playa and you dont even know it.
thats why you unintentionally get into deep shit.
dumbass!
quit being like that.
8.14.2001
theres the thinkers/tellers.
the doers/show-ers.
and the analyzers/processors/recorders
which are you?
the doers/show-ers.
and the analyzers/processors/recorders
which are you?
so many things that make you think.
oh yeah! thats so true.
but a moment later theyre lost.
do you ever rethink the same one and get the same feeling?
or does it just seem old hat?
oh yeah! thats so true.
but a moment later theyre lost.
do you ever rethink the same one and get the same feeling?
or does it just seem old hat?
i have to let this all sink in.
but i think i'll be wanting to share more.
i wish i had more control over myself in this department.
but i think i'll be wanting to share more.
i wish i had more control over myself in this department.
people enjoy the truth.
they search it out.
some people make up their own.
who in the hell knows why.
do they even?
they search it out.
some people make up their own.
who in the hell knows why.
do they even?
everything gets more basic.
so many sublevels and classes to where words cant define it.
fuck me. im fucked.
i replace video game fun with typing....
im retarded or cheap.
so many sublevels and classes to where words cant define it.
fuck me. im fucked.
i replace video game fun with typing....
im retarded or cheap.
getting prompted.
they want control.
who needs to be possessed?
you can see the problem now cant you?
then people try to learn you to be good at bossing.
they want control.
who needs to be possessed?
you can see the problem now cant you?
then people try to learn you to be good at bossing.
i considered this to be enough shared, so i convinced myself im done.
so many aspects of thought. too many. different levels. and they get skewed and entwined.
um bye. really
so many aspects of thought. too many. different levels. and they get skewed and entwined.
um bye. really
oh. you do things for a made up reason.
but then you forget ...
no wait. youve made a covered up way to get around your problems, but then you realize what youve done and it surprises you cuz its your bad habit.
an thats just like an addiction.
a beginning and an end is hard.
whoever thought up cause and effect is a genius!!
there! thats what i spent all this tonight doing! spewing all that just to say
cause and effect.
ohshit. im getting worse.
but then you forget ...
no wait. youve made a covered up way to get around your problems, but then you realize what youve done and it surprises you cuz its your bad habit.
an thats just like an addiction.
a beginning and an end is hard.
whoever thought up cause and effect is a genius!!
there! thats what i spent all this tonight doing! spewing all that just to say
cause and effect.
ohshit. im getting worse.
its interesting to see how different people or animals attract attention.
so many thoughts, it all slips away before it can come out.
poetry is struggling.
this is trying to make sense but wont.
too many jumps between thoughts.
then you get reminders, and thats when shit happens.
its strange how insecurities are hidden.
its weird to see what people dont know and what they struggle on.
why do i always write in list fashion?
people use other people. i havent harnessed that, so i find other ways to go about it.
i entertain myself by sitting back and thinking.
its not that im shy its that im having more fun kicking thoughts around. taking everthing in.
why am i saying all this?
why is it that when you spit shit out...oh fuck. i forgot what i was thinking,
cuz i only remember this: why am i jerry seinfeld?
is that supposed to be funny?
is that why im doing this?
why do i enjoy seeing my thoughts written down.
maybe because its a better way of getting your thoughts out universally.
yeh.
damn. this is like my thought pattern.
ive come to take heed to it when im sober.
someone should come down here and shut me up.
see the paranoid thoughts of wanting to be accepted.
but everyone wants to learn, so they surround themselves by what capivates them the most.
i think i write my thoughts down, because you want to know you can share it, then you can know you did your piece, then i can forget about it and go on to other thoughts.
(they dont record so well)
manuel. my bad. i shouldnt have even mentioned it.
isnt it lame that its been reduced to communication by this?
its how you can focus.
im all for it too though.
what you will do for some people.
people i trust i tell all my thoughts that im having at that moment.
just to share more. w/o restraint.
shit.
interactoins and lack of thoughts can get you into trouble.
am i talking in puzzles?
i dont enjoy it anymore now that ive figured it out.
that made no sense to anyone.
fuck. i gotta stop.
so many thoughts, it all slips away before it can come out.
poetry is struggling.
this is trying to make sense but wont.
too many jumps between thoughts.
then you get reminders, and thats when shit happens.
its strange how insecurities are hidden.
its weird to see what people dont know and what they struggle on.
why do i always write in list fashion?
people use other people. i havent harnessed that, so i find other ways to go about it.
i entertain myself by sitting back and thinking.
its not that im shy its that im having more fun kicking thoughts around. taking everthing in.
why am i saying all this?
why is it that when you spit shit out...oh fuck. i forgot what i was thinking,
cuz i only remember this: why am i jerry seinfeld?
is that supposed to be funny?
is that why im doing this?
why do i enjoy seeing my thoughts written down.
maybe because its a better way of getting your thoughts out universally.
yeh.
damn. this is like my thought pattern.
ive come to take heed to it when im sober.
someone should come down here and shut me up.
see the paranoid thoughts of wanting to be accepted.
but everyone wants to learn, so they surround themselves by what capivates them the most.
i think i write my thoughts down, because you want to know you can share it, then you can know you did your piece, then i can forget about it and go on to other thoughts.
(they dont record so well)
manuel. my bad. i shouldnt have even mentioned it.
isnt it lame that its been reduced to communication by this?
its how you can focus.
im all for it too though.
what you will do for some people.
people i trust i tell all my thoughts that im having at that moment.
just to share more. w/o restraint.
shit.
interactoins and lack of thoughts can get you into trouble.
am i talking in puzzles?
i dont enjoy it anymore now that ive figured it out.
that made no sense to anyone.
fuck. i gotta stop.
still bored.
josh randomly IMed me:
ForceFedTT: body of a godess, face from hell.
a damn good body isnt everything.
i guess you just have to be lucky.
josh randomly IMed me:
ForceFedTT: body of a godess, face from hell.
a damn good body isnt everything.
i guess you just have to be lucky.
what the dilly?
i call jacobson:
give jason a call if he wants to come..
"oh, he just had dental surgery today and cant eat solid foods for a while"
"ok then, how about kev, he still in town?"
"uh. no. he just had surgery"
"wait. i thought you sed jason did?"
"yeh. they both did. its not a good day."
"shit. i guess not."
hmm. im bored so i feel like telling everything that happened today.
like this:
after the mall we went to shoreline comm college. i guess you can call it SCC, but it doesnt flow as well as BCC. whatever. anyway, we applied and we have to wait til the 5th to register. this blows goats cuz i have to take an english, and they already had a list up of how many of them were full. so basically i'll be there forever and ever trying to take an english.
but i can make up some grades and maybe finally take spanish again.
sweet dear jesus.
this chic from westmont that i had a crush on came online today. we havent been online at the same time since.... probably like two years ago.. or since i cared.. whichever.
but come to find out, she was in WA 2 weeks ago and was frantically trying to find me out. sux that she didnt.
dammit. i guess she had a thing for me too back then, but boys are supposed to make the first move and all that bullshit, and that was my pre-alcohol, etc days, which she was already into. not the westmont style.... she left after a semester. damn that sux.
that woulda been fun. so now she moved from palm springs to ohio. she hates it. i guess she moved back with her mom, i guess she likes the comfort of that or something. i'd think i'd want to stay in cali if i were her. but whatever. its her thing.
i call jacobson:
give jason a call if he wants to come..
"oh, he just had dental surgery today and cant eat solid foods for a while"
"ok then, how about kev, he still in town?"
"uh. no. he just had surgery"
"wait. i thought you sed jason did?"
"yeh. they both did. its not a good day."
"shit. i guess not."
hmm. im bored so i feel like telling everything that happened today.
like this:
after the mall we went to shoreline comm college. i guess you can call it SCC, but it doesnt flow as well as BCC. whatever. anyway, we applied and we have to wait til the 5th to register. this blows goats cuz i have to take an english, and they already had a list up of how many of them were full. so basically i'll be there forever and ever trying to take an english.
but i can make up some grades and maybe finally take spanish again.
sweet dear jesus.
this chic from westmont that i had a crush on came online today. we havent been online at the same time since.... probably like two years ago.. or since i cared.. whichever.
but come to find out, she was in WA 2 weeks ago and was frantically trying to find me out. sux that she didnt.
dammit. i guess she had a thing for me too back then, but boys are supposed to make the first move and all that bullshit, and that was my pre-alcohol, etc days, which she was already into. not the westmont style.... she left after a semester. damn that sux.
that woulda been fun. so now she moved from palm springs to ohio. she hates it. i guess she moved back with her mom, i guess she likes the comfort of that or something. i'd think i'd want to stay in cali if i were her. but whatever. its her thing.
balls.
an infrequent trip to the mall is always fun.
"if i was a turd, i'd jump out at people and scare them."
so much shit goin down.
regained strength in two friendships,
but now this: (all in one night)
why is it that i take a step back and see the inmaturity or faults after all this time of being blissfully happy?
its strange. you need to be displaced to noticed.
that was my fucking theme. you stole it.
"she didnt love me as much as i loved her"
same fuckin boat to the death, man.
they keep coming back for more because they need the reassurance, they need the comfort, they need to temporarily get away from the pain. they know how to easily get it. and who gets shat on from it? us.
why cant we see it? cuz we're hopelessly blind to something that we've always wished for and hoped this was the case.
but nah. they just need their fix.
it aint right.
an infrequent trip to the mall is always fun.
"if i was a turd, i'd jump out at people and scare them."
so much shit goin down.
regained strength in two friendships,
but now this: (all in one night)
why is it that i take a step back and see the inmaturity or faults after all this time of being blissfully happy?
its strange. you need to be displaced to noticed.
that was my fucking theme. you stole it.
"she didnt love me as much as i loved her"
same fuckin boat to the death, man.
they keep coming back for more because they need the reassurance, they need the comfort, they need to temporarily get away from the pain. they know how to easily get it. and who gets shat on from it? us.
why cant we see it? cuz we're hopelessly blind to something that we've always wished for and hoped this was the case.
but nah. they just need their fix.
it aint right.
heres my take on life: (in a blurb)
be bland, yet be yourself.
then you will learn who likes you for you.
be bland, yet be yourself.
then you will learn who likes you for you.
a little step away from reality.
im being bold. im being straight-forward.
its akward, but its who i want to be.
what am i trying to prove?
whats the motive?
im still confused.
still shocked.
what am i getting into?
will this be any good?
if i look from the outside in, would i want to beat my ass?
am i just as shat as the other poor bastards i look down on, wondering how they let things go as they do?
im no better. its just not happening to me at this point, so i'll say what i think is best, but if it were me, then id do what i think i wanted the best. see?
dont you want to see whats out there?
yeh. but this i know was good.
but remember what happened?
oh shit, yeh. that suct.
think. why do you see shit now that you didnt then?
blind to the truth.
it all seems fake.
travis. travis. travis.
i hate using my name.
i hate using other peoples names as a title other than reference.
whats my deal?
i feel like more of a humanitarian when i get into deep convos with people.
am i really? or am i just trying to convince myself that im upstaging them?
thats one of those things that you can never really truthfully answer about yourself.
can anyone else? maybe. but how do you know you've let them see the true you?
beside. you have different "you's" for everyone you interact with.
you take it from social classes: work, school, peers, parents... then you break it down to every individual, and youre always a different person. you try to fit in. you try to act in accordance with what might make these people feel their most comfortable and also to keep yourself from being an outkast.
what the hell am i doing.
i feel booted, but i havent been like that since she showed up that night.
i do feel almost out of body. maybe its just a seemingly unrealistic occurance that just passed.
i thought the days of talking to her were over.
there was that whole time that i couldnt talk to her. it was forbidden, it was impossible, and now its as simple as,
"hey, whats up?"
holy fuckholy buh-geezus!!
its a brain fuck. it takes all you knew and shakes it up. its so surreal. it was put in my head that it couldnt and wouldnt happen again. yet. there i was. talking and talking. and she was right back there responding.
but what was up with the "me me me me" shit.
does she not give a fuck about anyone else?
will i be used again?
goddamn searching for truth.... for motives.
is there an answer to everything?
i really like to look for them.
im as anal with that as air is with keeping the kitchen clean.
everyone and their vices....
something long oppressed from years back?
is this where the idea of reincarnation comes from?
souls being passed along. long ago situations being shown through fears and pet peeves.
now youre just showing off, you asshole.
go read your damn book.
she doesnt know the power she has.
or does she?........
shit.
im being bold. im being straight-forward.
its akward, but its who i want to be.
what am i trying to prove?
whats the motive?
im still confused.
still shocked.
what am i getting into?
will this be any good?
if i look from the outside in, would i want to beat my ass?
am i just as shat as the other poor bastards i look down on, wondering how they let things go as they do?
im no better. its just not happening to me at this point, so i'll say what i think is best, but if it were me, then id do what i think i wanted the best. see?
dont you want to see whats out there?
yeh. but this i know was good.
but remember what happened?
oh shit, yeh. that suct.
think. why do you see shit now that you didnt then?
blind to the truth.
it all seems fake.
travis. travis. travis.
i hate using my name.
i hate using other peoples names as a title other than reference.
whats my deal?
i feel like more of a humanitarian when i get into deep convos with people.
am i really? or am i just trying to convince myself that im upstaging them?
thats one of those things that you can never really truthfully answer about yourself.
can anyone else? maybe. but how do you know you've let them see the true you?
beside. you have different "you's" for everyone you interact with.
you take it from social classes: work, school, peers, parents... then you break it down to every individual, and youre always a different person. you try to fit in. you try to act in accordance with what might make these people feel their most comfortable and also to keep yourself from being an outkast.
what the hell am i doing.
i feel booted, but i havent been like that since she showed up that night.
i do feel almost out of body. maybe its just a seemingly unrealistic occurance that just passed.
i thought the days of talking to her were over.
there was that whole time that i couldnt talk to her. it was forbidden, it was impossible, and now its as simple as,
"hey, whats up?"
holy fuckholy buh-geezus!!
its a brain fuck. it takes all you knew and shakes it up. its so surreal. it was put in my head that it couldnt and wouldnt happen again. yet. there i was. talking and talking. and she was right back there responding.
but what was up with the "me me me me" shit.
does she not give a fuck about anyone else?
will i be used again?
goddamn searching for truth.... for motives.
is there an answer to everything?
i really like to look for them.
im as anal with that as air is with keeping the kitchen clean.
everyone and their vices....
something long oppressed from years back?
is this where the idea of reincarnation comes from?
souls being passed along. long ago situations being shown through fears and pet peeves.
now youre just showing off, you asshole.
go read your damn book.
she doesnt know the power she has.
or does she?........
shit.
8.13.2001
this is a first:
while working my boss called me up and asked if i did not want to work tomorrow.
"emm. ok"
come to find out they have to drop 40 hrs this week, and started with my 5.
makes up for that streak i had goin there.
but what to do with my time off?
sleep? =D
side thought:
some people only have really one thing truely important to them....
i guess thats not so bad. but what about the rest?
while working my boss called me up and asked if i did not want to work tomorrow.
"emm. ok"
come to find out they have to drop 40 hrs this week, and started with my 5.
makes up for that streak i had goin there.
but what to do with my time off?
sleep? =D
side thought:
some people only have really one thing truely important to them....
i guess thats not so bad. but what about the rest?
8.12.2001
i remembered something i wanted to write about yesterday.
see, theres these 3 people that i extremely dislike at work.
its not cuz theyre bad people, its just that their work ethic sux.... worse than mine. thats why i cant stand them.
they always get excuses to leave the register and want you to cover for them.
so they get like 6 breaks a day instead of 3.
so yesterday, this couple, in their early 60s, i'd guess, were walking by.
they walked past this one bitch thats always up and leaving, but this time she was actually like,
"i can help you here"
but this is funny shit... at least to me.
the lady sez, "no. youre no good."
the checker kinda distraught was like, "what? =( im no good?"
"no good. we pick our checkers."
and so they walk past her bitch ass, and come to me.
"hes good"
i didnt remember these people until she told me how i was arguing with her that a coupon she had was for only 50 cents when she insisted on the fact that it was $1.00. i cant remember the outcome, but that triggered my memory.
so when you get your regulars, you treat them like gods. i dont know why, maybe its just cuz you it feels good that they want you.
so i gladly gave them paper in plastic (which usually i hate). and i chatted it up with them some....
good stuff.
today, another random old lady:
"youre one of the most efficient checkers ive had in a very long time here."
i dont really notice, until like today, when manuel came by...
he didnt go in my lane cuz there were hella people with hella shit. so i didnt mind, thats all good.
but i watched as there was one chic infront of him, and it turned out with all the shitloads of groceries i rang up, it was so close to him being better off in my lane. everyone at ballards fucking slow as balls. their bad.
im so fucking tired.
since 3 weeks ago. meaning over three sudays ago... ive had two days off. so thats what? like....in the last 17 days. two days off.
and with all the shit that ive been doing that makes me stay up late... im gone. and its only really my tuesday.
maybe since no ones home tonight i might just kick back and go to bed early.
this guy at work wanted to hang out with me.. the deli guy. i actually woulda considered it if i wasnt so fucking tired.
the day drug on so much, and it wasnt even that slow. i was getting to a point where i was just gunna say, 'fuck it'.
but anyway, this guy is like the stereotypical bartender advice-giver guy. its weird. hes got a lotta tips on life.
he makes ya think.
oh, wank. btw, this is your hook up.
so i was talking to him today, and hes naming off employees and telling stories about them. come to find out, theres two people there with the same names of two people i went to high school with: jennifer moore, and jeremy norton. weird huh?
and just out of randomicity, they are who i learned what a corn dog is. where one of them did it to the other, i cant remember which.
i better shut up.
maybe i'll sleep.
or maybe just wait to see if manuels down for whatever....
see, theres these 3 people that i extremely dislike at work.
its not cuz theyre bad people, its just that their work ethic sux.... worse than mine. thats why i cant stand them.
they always get excuses to leave the register and want you to cover for them.
so they get like 6 breaks a day instead of 3.
so yesterday, this couple, in their early 60s, i'd guess, were walking by.
they walked past this one bitch thats always up and leaving, but this time she was actually like,
"i can help you here"
but this is funny shit... at least to me.
the lady sez, "no. youre no good."
the checker kinda distraught was like, "what? =( im no good?"
"no good. we pick our checkers."
and so they walk past her bitch ass, and come to me.
"hes good"
i didnt remember these people until she told me how i was arguing with her that a coupon she had was for only 50 cents when she insisted on the fact that it was $1.00. i cant remember the outcome, but that triggered my memory.
so when you get your regulars, you treat them like gods. i dont know why, maybe its just cuz you it feels good that they want you.
so i gladly gave them paper in plastic (which usually i hate). and i chatted it up with them some....
good stuff.
today, another random old lady:
"youre one of the most efficient checkers ive had in a very long time here."
i dont really notice, until like today, when manuel came by...
he didnt go in my lane cuz there were hella people with hella shit. so i didnt mind, thats all good.
but i watched as there was one chic infront of him, and it turned out with all the shitloads of groceries i rang up, it was so close to him being better off in my lane. everyone at ballards fucking slow as balls. their bad.
im so fucking tired.
since 3 weeks ago. meaning over three sudays ago... ive had two days off. so thats what? like....in the last 17 days. two days off.
and with all the shit that ive been doing that makes me stay up late... im gone. and its only really my tuesday.
maybe since no ones home tonight i might just kick back and go to bed early.
this guy at work wanted to hang out with me.. the deli guy. i actually woulda considered it if i wasnt so fucking tired.
the day drug on so much, and it wasnt even that slow. i was getting to a point where i was just gunna say, 'fuck it'.
but anyway, this guy is like the stereotypical bartender advice-giver guy. its weird. hes got a lotta tips on life.
he makes ya think.
oh, wank. btw, this is your hook up.
so i was talking to him today, and hes naming off employees and telling stories about them. come to find out, theres two people there with the same names of two people i went to high school with: jennifer moore, and jeremy norton. weird huh?
and just out of randomicity, they are who i learned what a corn dog is. where one of them did it to the other, i cant remember which.
i better shut up.
maybe i'll sleep.
or maybe just wait to see if manuels down for whatever....
seems like dans been gone for hella.
its kinda gotten to routine.
it should be interesting when he gets back.
and i'll admit, ive had my doubts, but ryans leaving soon, and i'll be sad to see him go.
things worked out well with the bunch we got goin right now............
its kinda gotten to routine.
it should be interesting when he gets back.
and i'll admit, ive had my doubts, but ryans leaving soon, and i'll be sad to see him go.
things worked out well with the bunch we got goin right now............
8.11.2001
funny fucking shit:
weekly world news:
they found the skeletons of two gay crewmen.
the cover shows a picture of these two skeletons in an embrace. they were floating in a lifesaver ring for 89 yrs.
howd they know they were gay?
who else but fags would embrace?!
animal planet:
i watched moorpark 24/7 during break.
they were examining macack for TB and herpes =D
work:
the gay clique that we got goin on at freds were all huddled at the kivu stand when i came in this morning.
they were commenting on how they could never work at a KFC because of all those people sucking on the leg bones.
*doing the motions*
on other topics:
that new parcel chic who i was wondering how old she is.
well. she goes through cashier training on monday.
what the fuck does that matter?
well. it means shes at least 18!
chris was talking about how different people were in our group compared to the people in american pie....
w/o a doubt, kevin is jason biggs.
i thought chris to be stiffler ;)
chris thought matt looks like shit brick.
and air thought i was stifflers little bro....fucker.
but i was thinking about the casey affleck scene.
who among us isnt the oldest sibling?
mel doesnt really count cuz her bros so much older and never lived with them....am i the only one other than that?
weird.
so when my shit does finally get published.. theres gunna be hella....
my bad.
weekly world news:
they found the skeletons of two gay crewmen.
the cover shows a picture of these two skeletons in an embrace. they were floating in a lifesaver ring for 89 yrs.
howd they know they were gay?
who else but fags would embrace?!
animal planet:
i watched moorpark 24/7 during break.
they were examining macack for TB and herpes =D
work:
the gay clique that we got goin on at freds were all huddled at the kivu stand when i came in this morning.
they were commenting on how they could never work at a KFC because of all those people sucking on the leg bones.
*doing the motions*
on other topics:
that new parcel chic who i was wondering how old she is.
well. she goes through cashier training on monday.
what the fuck does that matter?
well. it means shes at least 18!
chris was talking about how different people were in our group compared to the people in american pie....
w/o a doubt, kevin is jason biggs.
i thought chris to be stiffler ;)
chris thought matt looks like shit brick.
and air thought i was stifflers little bro....fucker.
but i was thinking about the casey affleck scene.
who among us isnt the oldest sibling?
mel doesnt really count cuz her bros so much older and never lived with them....am i the only one other than that?
weird.
so when my shit does finally get published.. theres gunna be hella....
my bad.
manuel, manuel.
i dont know.
its my same sad story.
but heres the thing.
you cant help her!
she'll keep pushing.
it cant be a normal relationship....
but here i am.
calming down from seeing her for the first time after 6 mos. and now im wondering.
hmm. i really miss her.
i really miss the closeness.
.....but then i remember talking to her parents. them saying that ashleighs older brother went through the same thing.
having a sick girlfriend... and it shouldnt have to be his or our responsibility to take care of them, no matter how much we want to.
its just a drain. as shat as it is to say, youre just drug down with them, and it shouldnt be like that.
especially in the beginning stages of figuring out relationships.
sure you care.
but they wont let you help.
ah fuck it.
i still want to see her one last time.
i dont know.
its my same sad story.
but heres the thing.
you cant help her!
she'll keep pushing.
it cant be a normal relationship....
but here i am.
calming down from seeing her for the first time after 6 mos. and now im wondering.
hmm. i really miss her.
i really miss the closeness.
.....but then i remember talking to her parents. them saying that ashleighs older brother went through the same thing.
having a sick girlfriend... and it shouldnt have to be his or our responsibility to take care of them, no matter how much we want to.
its just a drain. as shat as it is to say, youre just drug down with them, and it shouldnt be like that.
especially in the beginning stages of figuring out relationships.
sure you care.
but they wont let you help.
ah fuck it.
i still want to see her one last time.
what else?
oh yes:
there was a spider and centipede waiting for me in the bathroom this morning.
when i was done with my shower, they dissappeared.
thats not a cool feeling.
its fucking hot....still.
air was right.
i did see many-a hot chic today....
maybe more tomorrow.
same bat time.
oh yes:
there was a spider and centipede waiting for me in the bathroom this morning.
when i was done with my shower, they dissappeared.
thats not a cool feeling.
its fucking hot....still.
air was right.
i did see many-a hot chic today....
maybe more tomorrow.
same bat time.
8.10.2001
10 hrs at work...
havent done that since kirkland..
since BCC drop-out days.
wasnt that bad.
movie.
i go.
havent done that since kirkland..
since BCC drop-out days.
wasnt that bad.
movie.
i go.
8.09.2001
and as im mentioning her...
for those who do know her, amidys become a copier and put up her own blog.
so if you understand her language, heres Amidy's Blog.
for those who do know her, amidys become a copier and put up her own blog.
so if you understand her language, heres Amidy's Blog.
an amendment to yesterdays fat blog:
amidys also a good chic friend who helped me get through the ashleigh ordeal just as well as lindsay,
and i still talk to her now on a rather frequent basis.
oh. canadians suck. its true.
as shown by the mariners last night.
it must be a lack of focus with all those flapping heads or something, but i swear there were 4 errors, or near errors 2 by both center field and short stop.
thanx matt for taking me. i dont know why i was chosen, but please thank your parents too.
amidys also a good chic friend who helped me get through the ashleigh ordeal just as well as lindsay,
and i still talk to her now on a rather frequent basis.
oh. canadians suck. its true.
as shown by the mariners last night.
it must be a lack of focus with all those flapping heads or something, but i swear there were 4 errors, or near errors 2 by both center field and short stop.
thanx matt for taking me. i dont know why i was chosen, but please thank your parents too.
8.08.2001
i need somewhere to go.
i need to think. think about what?
think about ashleigh.
shes back. with a new twist.
still the same headfuck.
what do i do.
she wants back.
i dont think its anything but trouble.
she hurt me so bad. really bad.
you remember, dont you?
she initiated an email. thats not her style.
she needed a friend.
i was there before.... i was always there before.
til she didnt need me, and she did everything in her power to get me away.
and now she wants my comfort again?
again..... for the third time.
two times of hurt. three times of comfort?
think think think think think.
think it through.
do you need this.
you want someone to share life with.
you could maybe have it.
but is there a severe cost?
im looking for answers, with no one to turn to.
well, i cant say no one. i had a really good talk last night. homeboys are homeboys for life.
yet chix i feel i can spill more to. cuz theres never that macho bullshit you need to pass all your feelings through.
i used to have lindsay. i used to have ashleigh.
but im chic-less now.
no good chic friend.
bah.
blog. you gaffed piece of chic replacement.
wheres yo titties?
thats all you have to think about that?
you man piece of shit.
i had her trapped in my chair:
why are you here?
a looking for friendship. i sed i'd always be there.....
but what are the motives for coming back?
why are you here?
youre doing this just because you arent going back to school?
you had a BAD day?
why are you here?
so many questions all packed into one.
she needs the comfort to get better..... but at my expense?
im an asshole.... shes a......friend?
6 mos.
6 mos.
came back after 6 mos.
why?
why are you here?
you're getting as annoyed with that question as she was.
but why?
i wish i knew her perspective... but she wont let me. never really did....
ever herd someone call someone out, but then you hear the called out person's side of the story and it seems perfectly logical and sane? yeah. situations make people. how you handle them shows how cool of a person you are.
certain ones make me revert to the ol' "dont tell anyone about it and maybe it will go away".
rarely the brightest idea. but my mainstay and comfortable way out. doesnt usually end up so good, but it pushes away the brunt of the blow until later when youre more prepped for it.
that was kinda off subject.....
........
ive got a lot on my mind.
always.
theres no chic i know right now at this very moment who would care about me as much as i'd care about them.
why the fuck is that?
theyre as afraid of commitment as the stereotypical guy.
im a paranoid pessimist.
its a strange take on the world.
(im workin on those fucking 300 pgs, man)
i need to think. think about what?
think about ashleigh.
shes back. with a new twist.
still the same headfuck.
what do i do.
she wants back.
i dont think its anything but trouble.
she hurt me so bad. really bad.
you remember, dont you?
she initiated an email. thats not her style.
she needed a friend.
i was there before.... i was always there before.
til she didnt need me, and she did everything in her power to get me away.
and now she wants my comfort again?
again..... for the third time.
two times of hurt. three times of comfort?
think think think think think.
think it through.
do you need this.
you want someone to share life with.
you could maybe have it.
but is there a severe cost?
im looking for answers, with no one to turn to.
well, i cant say no one. i had a really good talk last night. homeboys are homeboys for life.
yet chix i feel i can spill more to. cuz theres never that macho bullshit you need to pass all your feelings through.
i used to have lindsay. i used to have ashleigh.
but im chic-less now.
no good chic friend.
bah.
blog. you gaffed piece of chic replacement.
wheres yo titties?
thats all you have to think about that?
you man piece of shit.
i had her trapped in my chair:
why are you here?
a looking for friendship. i sed i'd always be there.....
but what are the motives for coming back?
why are you here?
youre doing this just because you arent going back to school?
you had a BAD day?
why are you here?
so many questions all packed into one.
she needs the comfort to get better..... but at my expense?
im an asshole.... shes a......friend?
6 mos.
6 mos.
came back after 6 mos.
why?
why are you here?
you're getting as annoyed with that question as she was.
but why?
i wish i knew her perspective... but she wont let me. never really did....
ever herd someone call someone out, but then you hear the called out person's side of the story and it seems perfectly logical and sane? yeah. situations make people. how you handle them shows how cool of a person you are.
certain ones make me revert to the ol' "dont tell anyone about it and maybe it will go away".
rarely the brightest idea. but my mainstay and comfortable way out. doesnt usually end up so good, but it pushes away the brunt of the blow until later when youre more prepped for it.
that was kinda off subject.....
........
ive got a lot on my mind.
always.
theres no chic i know right now at this very moment who would care about me as much as i'd care about them.
why the fuck is that?
theyre as afraid of commitment as the stereotypical guy.
im a paranoid pessimist.
its a strange take on the world.
(im workin on those fucking 300 pgs, man)
why did katie randomly talk to me via IM to tell me she was going to Las Vegas, then say that she had been home for a couple days a bit back, but didnt come by cuz she was sick, then leave?
chix. what the hell?
chix. what the hell?
an odd thought, but a revelation:
real act-out life is like a movie.
as how thoughts are to the book of the movie.
then the thoughts that you think about what youre acting out are to the critiques of the movie.
becuase you can say so much more and reflect on what might be happening.
you get the idea......
back to my book.
real act-out life is like a movie.
as how thoughts are to the book of the movie.
then the thoughts that you think about what youre acting out are to the critiques of the movie.
becuase you can say so much more and reflect on what might be happening.
you get the idea......
back to my book.
im near certain that i was an object of convinience.
tonight wasnt merely a "bad night"
it was a "planned night"
a whole fucking soap opera spelled out in real life.
dramatic twists and turns that are created for me, by her.
and i have to live and evolve in and around whats given.
i always thought of one real love as true. mainly because i was told to, and that its a pretty optimistic thinking for someone who is currently lacking in the opposite sexage. but its more of like just a massive orgy on a lake.
people are there. theyre convinient. i get to get MINE and SHOW OFF in the process. right on.... or something.
tonight wasnt merely a "bad night"
it was a "planned night"
a whole fucking soap opera spelled out in real life.
dramatic twists and turns that are created for me, by her.
and i have to live and evolve in and around whats given.
i always thought of one real love as true. mainly because i was told to, and that its a pretty optimistic thinking for someone who is currently lacking in the opposite sexage. but its more of like just a massive orgy on a lake.
people are there. theyre convinient. i get to get MINE and SHOW OFF in the process. right on.... or something.
i feel the need to BE with someone...
but i just want to be a friend with chix.
but for reasons, its nearly impossible.
but i just want to be a friend with chix.
but for reasons, its nearly impossible.
ya know, this shopper once told me,
"people really appreciate the truth"
damn is it true. people will like you if youre always truthful.
cuz then they'll know you arent hiding anything.
they can usually eventually identify if youre not.
i dont know why i cant just say what i really feel all the time.
i did it tonight, and its really liberating.
like theres so much trust between you and your good friend.
really. goodnight.
(sorry, it aint no 300 pgs) =D
"people really appreciate the truth"
damn is it true. people will like you if youre always truthful.
cuz then they'll know you arent hiding anything.
they can usually eventually identify if youre not.
i dont know why i cant just say what i really feel all the time.
i did it tonight, and its really liberating.
like theres so much trust between you and your good friend.
really. goodnight.
(sorry, it aint no 300 pgs) =D
corny stereotypes are hilarity, but all together THE way of life.
maybe laughing at it is just coping.
people hate talking about life because why look deeper into it. just take your mind out of it and let things flow.
things i were saying all night: FUCK ME ME ME OH ME OH OH
oh wait, thats alyson.
things i were saying is that im a paranoid arrogant asshole.
then i went to think that assholes justify what they do before they do it.
but then the person with the opposite perspective doesnt have it go as they wanted it, so then im the asshole, and they tell their friends all about it....
i shouldnt care..
again. life is about impressing.
its just how it is. accept it. live it.
teaching is bettering, but showing off.
the only reason i bitch about people not blogging is from sheer boredom of not having anything to read (strictly self-centered).
squeek-ah, squeek, squeek mc-squeek-in.
i seriously think i could have done that tonight.
its a thought, but i really didnt want it, because really, i was annoyed, and for asshole, selfish reasons, not to mention a shitload of skepticism on motives, i sed no. I made a decision. i know why you show off.
because youre so excited you want to share.
so rheudamentary, but no one ever takes time to just sit and think about the real simple things that make up our social heirarchy.
im so less inhibited. i like to share exactly what im thinking. even the thoughts about what im saying as it comes out differently from my brain to mouth.
*sexual peak*(anyone got a stopwatch?)
thoughts interrupted...
air sez. i try to ariculate too much.
and shit. even when i try that, im still not getting the whole point across.
but then im talking and correcting myself so much that it makes no sense, then trying to keep all those thoughts that shoot of from the original, i cant keep straight, so i lose the whole point or reason from my telling.
you know. people get put in uncomfortable situations, they dont ask for them most of the time. but then they have to get out of them, and if they dont deal with them as smoothly as other people like... or youre way out it to just blow it of or divert attention, then youre called out. then youre an asshole to someone.
situations and how they are dealt with is what makes the person. this is how they are put into the world. this is how they find how people will treat them and how they will act...
i profusely apologize to everyone for spewing thoughts on life and its components.
theyre all already known, but its just the way that you look at it that makes it til you really understand whats going on.
AHH AHH AHH AHH (thats really loud)
theres so many realizations that you come to.
a different scenario finally happens to you, and then you relate to one youve seen before, then you really really understand what everyone else means when they say a short statement.
but that statement is packed full of so many other pieces of truths behind it.
words dont have enough explanation behind them.
ideas are lost with the extent of language.
it really, genuinely sux.
i say that a lot too tonight.
oh, and air, my bad. this is a lotta shit that we were talking about earlier tonight.
for some reason its all coming back to me like you sed it would =)
dissing someone that comes crawling back to you:
i was saying how i never knew why anyone would do that.
now i know, but explaining it is yet another harder explanation.
i think i live in a total bachelor house now.
theres fucking next door while im "studying" on my computer.
theres those deep deep talks after "partying in the middle of the weekend.
theres a jobless fuck that needs to get off his ass. =D
and people that just stop by whenever.
its, again, sterotypical, all that shit they taught you to hate via the movies...
but i think i like it.
people are just mimic-ers. they just see shit around them and act accordingly.
some have got it down, and get it to where what they do, other people like.
others have personal or ego problems that doesnt quite let them go with the flow.
a difference thats to much so they will get called out for it, and teased accordingly.
mine, is for being a pushover, i imagine... with all the beatings and shit-talking about picking on me.
(im not calling anyone out. thats just my stance in this social setting.)
one would think they would catch on, but no.
thats enough perspectives for tonight....
im actually getting into that book borrowed.
still? props man, props. both "AHH!" and squeek?! this is serious shit! well... i guess it is goodbye =D
and over.
stereotypical man: rolls over, hes had his jollies.
but damn, aint it true?
night yall.
how well do you all think you kne/ow me
some people just want to go to bed.
i respect that.
thats no mean intent.
a lot of things are misinterpreted and now im insinuating that that would, but i didnt mean to do that.
shit. there i go trying to totally make my percise point get across.
i better stop.
maybe laughing at it is just coping.
people hate talking about life because why look deeper into it. just take your mind out of it and let things flow.
things i were saying all night: FUCK ME ME ME OH ME OH OH
oh wait, thats alyson.
things i were saying is that im a paranoid arrogant asshole.
then i went to think that assholes justify what they do before they do it.
but then the person with the opposite perspective doesnt have it go as they wanted it, so then im the asshole, and they tell their friends all about it....
i shouldnt care..
again. life is about impressing.
its just how it is. accept it. live it.
teaching is bettering, but showing off.
the only reason i bitch about people not blogging is from sheer boredom of not having anything to read (strictly self-centered).
squeek-ah, squeek, squeek mc-squeek-in.
i seriously think i could have done that tonight.
its a thought, but i really didnt want it, because really, i was annoyed, and for asshole, selfish reasons, not to mention a shitload of skepticism on motives, i sed no. I made a decision. i know why you show off.
because youre so excited you want to share.
so rheudamentary, but no one ever takes time to just sit and think about the real simple things that make up our social heirarchy.
im so less inhibited. i like to share exactly what im thinking. even the thoughts about what im saying as it comes out differently from my brain to mouth.
*sexual peak*
thoughts interrupted...
air sez. i try to ariculate too much.
and shit. even when i try that, im still not getting the whole point across.
but then im talking and correcting myself so much that it makes no sense, then trying to keep all those thoughts that shoot of from the original, i cant keep straight, so i lose the whole point or reason from my telling.
you know. people get put in uncomfortable situations, they dont ask for them most of the time. but then they have to get out of them, and if they dont deal with them as smoothly as other people like... or youre way out it to just blow it of or divert attention, then youre called out. then youre an asshole to someone.
situations and how they are dealt with is what makes the person. this is how they are put into the world. this is how they find how people will treat them and how they will act...
i profusely apologize to everyone for spewing thoughts on life and its components.
theyre all already known, but its just the way that you look at it that makes it til you really understand whats going on.
AHH AHH AHH AHH (thats really loud)
theres so many realizations that you come to.
a different scenario finally happens to you, and then you relate to one youve seen before, then you really really understand what everyone else means when they say a short statement.
but that statement is packed full of so many other pieces of truths behind it.
words dont have enough explanation behind them.
ideas are lost with the extent of language.
it really, genuinely sux.
i say that a lot too tonight.
oh, and air, my bad. this is a lotta shit that we were talking about earlier tonight.
for some reason its all coming back to me like you sed it would =)
dissing someone that comes crawling back to you:
i was saying how i never knew why anyone would do that.
now i know, but explaining it is yet another harder explanation.
i think i live in a total bachelor house now.
theres fucking next door while im "studying" on my computer.
theres those deep deep talks after "partying in the middle of the weekend.
theres a jobless fuck that needs to get off his ass. =D
and people that just stop by whenever.
its, again, sterotypical, all that shit they taught you to hate via the movies...
but i think i like it.
people are just mimic-ers. they just see shit around them and act accordingly.
some have got it down, and get it to where what they do, other people like.
others have personal or ego problems that doesnt quite let them go with the flow.
a difference thats to much so they will get called out for it, and teased accordingly.
mine, is for being a pushover, i imagine... with all the beatings and shit-talking about picking on me.
(im not calling anyone out. thats just my stance in this social setting.)
one would think they would catch on, but no.
thats enough perspectives for tonight....
im actually getting into that book borrowed.
still? props man, props. both "AHH!" and squeek?! this is serious shit! well... i guess it is goodbye =D
and over.
stereotypical man: rolls over, hes had his jollies.
but damn, aint it true?
night yall.
how well do you all think you kne/ow me
some people just want to go to bed.
i respect that.
thats no mean intent.
a lot of things are misinterpreted and now im insinuating that that would, but i didnt mean to do that.
shit. there i go trying to totally make my percise point get across.
i better stop.
8.07.2001
um. im gay for last nights posts.
neways. what i want to know is how the hell my lights got on when i went to work....
i came out to go home and my car wouldnt start. somehow my lights were on.
but i went to work at noon. so i dont really think i was using them. i dont ever remember turning them on.
so i went back inside to the desk to call air, but that older chic that proped me, she offered to jump my .... car =)
so she spent up her break doing that. only to find that shes out of oil. damn.
i was in a rather social mood today, although no one felt like shopping today. and i didnt really feel like working. so it worked out.
this funny gay older black guy kept coming through my line. he was pissed that this other cashier gave him a canadian penny.
"that kinda funny business will get him fired."
"and you know what upset me? it was a black cashier!"
he reminded me of a black woman: "oh NO you DIhiNT!"
new parcel chic. hotty, but possibly youngen.
talked to this other chic employee my age. she started about when i did.
but... shes pregnant.
does anyone else think that small kids stare at you for no reason at all? or is it just me?
they'll just look and look, and as their moms pushing the cart away, their little heads will keep focus on me.
i dont get it. is it the freckles? do they see something?
thats how i found out she was pregnant. i brought up that kids stare at me, and she sed the same, but pobably cuz shes got the kid vibe that shes sending out.
if little girls stare, its a boy.
it little boys stare, its a girl.
i dont know which she sed she got most, or if she was just BSing.
um. yeah. buffoonery. its fun.
neways. what i want to know is how the hell my lights got on when i went to work....
i came out to go home and my car wouldnt start. somehow my lights were on.
but i went to work at noon. so i dont really think i was using them. i dont ever remember turning them on.
so i went back inside to the desk to call air, but that older chic that proped me, she offered to jump my .... car =)
so she spent up her break doing that. only to find that shes out of oil. damn.
i was in a rather social mood today, although no one felt like shopping today. and i didnt really feel like working. so it worked out.
this funny gay older black guy kept coming through my line. he was pissed that this other cashier gave him a canadian penny.
"that kinda funny business will get him fired."
"and you know what upset me? it was a black cashier!"
he reminded me of a black woman: "oh NO you DIhiNT!"
new parcel chic. hotty, but possibly youngen.
talked to this other chic employee my age. she started about when i did.
but... shes pregnant.
does anyone else think that small kids stare at you for no reason at all? or is it just me?
they'll just look and look, and as their moms pushing the cart away, their little heads will keep focus on me.
i dont get it. is it the freckles? do they see something?
thats how i found out she was pregnant. i brought up that kids stare at me, and she sed the same, but pobably cuz shes got the kid vibe that shes sending out.
if little girls stare, its a boy.
it little boys stare, its a girl.
i dont know which she sed she got most, or if she was just BSing.
um. yeah. buffoonery. its fun.
vagueness is my train of thought when it expresses itself...
i forget important details that i presume to be already understood.
but dont get me wrong.... sometimes it is intentional either because its embarrassing or i dont feel like explaining myself...
so. definate buffoonery to the mAx tonite.
too far? possibly..
my thought is always that there does exsist a breaking point to everything.
do you really want to see it?
youre getting closer.....
too vague?
ask questions, dipshit ;)
(oh yes. another reason for vagueness: to call someone out, having them no it, but no one else, so they know whats up, and everyone else doesnt have to know. got it?)
i forget important details that i presume to be already understood.
but dont get me wrong.... sometimes it is intentional either because its embarrassing or i dont feel like explaining myself...
so. definate buffoonery to the mAx tonite.
too far? possibly..
my thought is always that there does exsist a breaking point to everything.
do you really want to see it?
youre getting closer.....
too vague?
ask questions, dipshit ;)
(oh yes. another reason for vagueness: to call someone out, having them no it, but no one else, so they know whats up, and everyone else doesnt have to know. got it?)
8.06.2001
so call me queer, but i was giving wank, air, ryan and alyson a pole dance last night out front.
so today my lower abs hurt like hell.
any other muscles that get sore are just annoying, but sore abs fucking hurt.
thats why i tend to do anything other than those, if i do ever excersize.
anyway, i walked outside the store today at lunch and it was fucking bright.
i sneezed, as usual... goddamn! so much hurt.
i opened today. blAh.
this lady came up to me and asked where she could file a complaint.
i was thinking it was cuz of one of the many incompentent PACE-less employees that wander the store and want nothing to do with customers, but no.
she was like, "this music is the worst. i would drive one to drink."
i dont know what song she was referring to. i believe it was 80's shit, but i do remember hearing no doubt's simple kind of life.
so i guess thats why other stores dont play comtemporary shit, cuz they get a buncha drunken grandma's wandering the store.
that aint good, cuz then they get to fighting over the last bag of sugar thats on sale.... not pretty.
curly gray hairs flying. whole sets of toofsis getting knocked out.
bitches be tuff!
so today my lower abs hurt like hell.
any other muscles that get sore are just annoying, but sore abs fucking hurt.
thats why i tend to do anything other than those, if i do ever excersize.
anyway, i walked outside the store today at lunch and it was fucking bright.
i sneezed, as usual... goddamn! so much hurt.
i opened today. blAh.
this lady came up to me and asked where she could file a complaint.
i was thinking it was cuz of one of the many incompentent PACE-less employees that wander the store and want nothing to do with customers, but no.
she was like, "this music is the worst. i would drive one to drink."
i dont know what song she was referring to. i believe it was 80's shit, but i do remember hearing no doubt's simple kind of life.
so i guess thats why other stores dont play comtemporary shit, cuz they get a buncha drunken grandma's wandering the store.
that aint good, cuz then they get to fighting over the last bag of sugar thats on sale.... not pretty.
curly gray hairs flying. whole sets of toofsis getting knocked out.
bitches be tuff!
8.05.2001
i stood chris, kevin, and jason up tonight.
but why?
i kinda really wanted to go.
damn laziness.
what a crazy weekend.
it woulda been better w/o all the work,
but then i wouldnt have had the same experiences.
but why?
i kinda really wanted to go.
damn laziness.
what a crazy weekend.
it woulda been better w/o all the work,
but then i wouldnt have had the same experiences.
hell yeah.
good to have people back.
i didnt have nearly as much excitement as all the concert goers, but somehow i think i got the same amount of sleep.
i was thinking about this earlier:
the most humbling experience ive had lately, is when this group of disabled people came to my line.
two were deaf, and two were both deaf and blind, from what i could see.
the deaf people would lead them around, write their checks, then they'd whip out this stamp with the blind/deaf peoples signature, and put their hand on it so they could actually stamp it.
it just makes you take a step back.
ya know. i dont mean for this to sound corny and cliche, but shit.....
btw, jay is officially withdrawn from my "called out" list.
im pretty sure he doesnt read this, but either way, hes a good guy. i had him all wrong.
good to have people back.
i didnt have nearly as much excitement as all the concert goers, but somehow i think i got the same amount of sleep.
i was thinking about this earlier:
the most humbling experience ive had lately, is when this group of disabled people came to my line.
two were deaf, and two were both deaf and blind, from what i could see.
the deaf people would lead them around, write their checks, then they'd whip out this stamp with the blind/deaf peoples signature, and put their hand on it so they could actually stamp it.
it just makes you take a step back.
ya know. i dont mean for this to sound corny and cliche, but shit.....
btw, jay is officially withdrawn from my "called out" list.
im pretty sure he doesnt read this, but either way, hes a good guy. i had him all wrong.
8.04.2001
shit.
usually i get irritated when people go off on "breaking news", but today it effected me...
did anyone hear about the burning boat in ballard that they cant seem to put out?
well that was right out-fucking-side of fred meyer, and all the smoke was blowing into the store.
the PUSSY WAMUs got to go home cuz of it, but we got to stick it out....
smoke irritating your throat, smoke drying out your eyes.
the news sed there is hydrogen cyanide in the smoke somehow, so i guess thats good.
it started when i got to work.
and was still smoking when i left over 9 hrs later....
enuff of that shit.
i had these two mexicans come through my line today, and one of them sed, "no tengo dinero".
and wham. back to the days of high school spanish, i got this song in my head with that sentence.
lets see how well i can do:
no tengo dinero, ni nada que dar.
lo unico que tengo es amor para amar.
um. yeah. thats about it....
didnt know the song that well to begin with.
then after coming back from break, homeboy julio iglesias comes on the overhead with a song in english, but my teacher had it in spanish: solamente un dia mas sin tu.
or just another day without you.
the spanish version sounds cooler. i feel.
so yeah. hangin with my big boys last night.
kevin, big chris, and jason.
shit. stand in the middle of those guys.
then put tony and chad into the equation.
first you'll shit your pants, then when you realize youre surrounded by about 3/4 of a ton of beefy man, you'll curl into the fetal position, cowering like a little bitch.
cuz if you were in the big house. thats exactly what you'd be to them.
the squirrel master came out of left field and saved my ass!!
usually i get irritated when people go off on "breaking news", but today it effected me...
did anyone hear about the burning boat in ballard that they cant seem to put out?
well that was right out-fucking-side of fred meyer, and all the smoke was blowing into the store.
the PUSSY WAMUs got to go home cuz of it, but we got to stick it out....
smoke irritating your throat, smoke drying out your eyes.
the news sed there is hydrogen cyanide in the smoke somehow, so i guess thats good.
it started when i got to work.
and was still smoking when i left over 9 hrs later....
enuff of that shit.
i had these two mexicans come through my line today, and one of them sed, "no tengo dinero".
and wham. back to the days of high school spanish, i got this song in my head with that sentence.
lets see how well i can do:
no tengo dinero, ni nada que dar.
lo unico que tengo es amor para amar.
um. yeah. thats about it....
didnt know the song that well to begin with.
then after coming back from break, homeboy julio iglesias comes on the overhead with a song in english, but my teacher had it in spanish: solamente un dia mas sin tu.
or just another day without you.
the spanish version sounds cooler. i feel.
so yeah. hangin with my big boys last night.
kevin, big chris, and jason.
shit. stand in the middle of those guys.
then put tony and chad into the equation.
first you'll shit your pants, then when you realize youre surrounded by about 3/4 of a ton of beefy man, you'll curl into the fetal position, cowering like a little bitch.
cuz if you were in the big house. thats exactly what you'd be to them.
the squirrel master came out of left field and saved my ass!!
its kinda eerie to come home to an empty house at this time of night....
i hung out with mah boyz that i havent seen in forever...
good times, shit party.
works going to suck tomorrow.
er. to(g)ay
i hung out with mah boyz that i havent seen in forever...
good times, shit party.
works going to suck tomorrow.
er. to(g)ay
8.03.2001
and so the boredom begins.
i need to make things happen...
i had one thing i set out to do with my two days off.
i havent done it yet.
maybe nows the time.
but after that, then what?
i guess i have options to call people.
but its still mid-day, and these full-timers wont likely be home yet.
oh, btw, dont come into my room and wake me up unless its important.
po, yer a fag.
last night was trippy and i didnt even do anything.
it seems like more and more things that are happening simulate something in a movie.
not an exact scene per say, but just the concept.
shit that never happens in a bland person's life are becoming reality...
propositioned:
i really want to kiss you right now.
um. im not ready for that yet.
and of course that "deep" conversation last night that you also only see in movies.
so i guess some of this shit does really happen, but i just hadnt gotten to that point in life, or i've just been sheltered for most of it;
by my family, and who i choose to hang with.
chris interrupted my train of thought.
but maybe i will have something to do afterall...
too bad my last experience with him wasnt really a good one....
out.
i need to make things happen...
i had one thing i set out to do with my two days off.
i havent done it yet.
maybe nows the time.
but after that, then what?
i guess i have options to call people.
but its still mid-day, and these full-timers wont likely be home yet.
oh, btw, dont come into my room and wake me up unless its important.
po, yer a fag.
last night was trippy and i didnt even do anything.
it seems like more and more things that are happening simulate something in a movie.
not an exact scene per say, but just the concept.
shit that never happens in a bland person's life are becoming reality...
propositioned:
i really want to kiss you right now.
um. im not ready for that yet.
and of course that "deep" conversation last night that you also only see in movies.
so i guess some of this shit does really happen, but i just hadnt gotten to that point in life, or i've just been sheltered for most of it;
by my family, and who i choose to hang with.
chris interrupted my train of thought.
but maybe i will have something to do afterall...
too bad my last experience with him wasnt really a good one....
out.
theres certain types of people.
those that accept what goes on around them as just life happening,
and then those that have to figure everything out. no leaps of faith.
on a side note:
im actually sticking to my word....
we'll see how long that lasts.......
those that accept what goes on around them as just life happening,
and then those that have to figure everything out. no leaps of faith.
on a side note:
im actually sticking to my word....
we'll see how long that lasts.......
8.02.2001
manuel.
why does your situation seem all too familiar.
oh yeah. fibromyalgia was an offset of ashleighs celiac's disease.
she had the same shit, where her legs would hurt.... especially at night.
i guess that fibromyalgia usually stems off of bigger problems...
and yup. she did the whole time off thing too..
how do you think we got together a 2nd time.
hopefully christines more appreciative of your efforts though....
why does your situation seem all too familiar.
oh yeah. fibromyalgia was an offset of ashleighs celiac's disease.
she had the same shit, where her legs would hurt.... especially at night.
i guess that fibromyalgia usually stems off of bigger problems...
and yup. she did the whole time off thing too..
how do you think we got together a 2nd time.
hopefully christines more appreciative of your efforts though....
as for today:
she kept coming by my checkstand everytime she had a break, but i'd act like i didnt see her, or only briefly chat with her.
thats probably what shes doing now...
seeing how im responding to it all....
seeing if she freaked me out, or if i dig it...
as for work:
what the hell is it?
people who qualify for the express lane love this freedom of being able to be in this lane so much, that they'll head straight for it when ready to check out....
they dont bother to look to either side, to see that theres a checker sitting there idle, while they have like 4 people infront of them.
ooo... youre special... you get to be in express....
dumbass.
she kept coming by my checkstand everytime she had a break, but i'd act like i didnt see her, or only briefly chat with her.
thats probably what shes doing now...
seeing how im responding to it all....
seeing if she freaked me out, or if i dig it...
as for work:
what the hell is it?
people who qualify for the express lane love this freedom of being able to be in this lane so much, that they'll head straight for it when ready to check out....
they dont bother to look to either side, to see that theres a checker sitting there idle, while they have like 4 people infront of them.
ooo... youre special... you get to be in express....
dumbass.
8-1-01
11:01pm
ok.
so have you ever had anyone ask about you, like what you do with your time off, and youre just embarrassed to say, or are actually at a loss for words.
yup. that was me today.
what do you do when youre not at work?
emm. sit on my ass.
play video games, play on my computer....
maybe see a movie now and then....
do you read?
not so much. but if i find a good book i get really into it...
do you watch tv?
not so much lately...
what do you do with spare time again?
shit. nothing!
so... i decided to start reading.
its a start to enhance my pathetic, dull life.
11:01pm
ok.
so have you ever had anyone ask about you, like what you do with your time off, and youre just embarrassed to say, or are actually at a loss for words.
yup. that was me today.
what do you do when youre not at work?
emm. sit on my ass.
play video games, play on my computer....
maybe see a movie now and then....
do you read?
not so much. but if i find a good book i get really into it...
do you watch tv?
not so much lately...
what do you do with spare time again?
shit. nothing!
so... i decided to start reading.
its a start to enhance my pathetic, dull life.
8-1-01
10:42pm
shit. well, ive had time for the initial shock to wear off, but what a day....
this chic at work offered to have lunch with me today (i didnt work today) so i came by during her lunch break...
so what i thought woulda been going out turned into ending up at her place, where i was propositioned.
i politely sed i was processing it all.
but shit. this chic is 32, and not only that, but a mother of 3, and has a live-in boyfriend.
sweet buh-geezzus.
how weird would it be to take up an offer like that?
to totally blow off morals, what youve thought of growing up to be wrong?
what would one choice do to change my life?
it seemed so unreal, so uncomfortable, something out of a fucking movie.
admittedly, i was fucking scared. i got myself into it.
shit. and i hate dragging myself out.
ive done it before with a chic from work that i didnt like...
that was sketchy in the time-being, getting threatened and all,
but all is good now, and i havent been stalked since she got fired...
i guess working at a grocery store theres a lot more excitement than youd think.
all the lifers with their crazy backgrounds.... she was telling me some of hers, with domestic violence, custody battles, random flings, a bout with liver cancer.
oh my god. going through chemotherapy.
she sez she doesnt want any attatchments.
well shit. thats what i want in my perfect relationship, and i sure as hell wont find it there.
its too bad, cuz she has a really fun personality.
most likely things will be weird now....
bummer...
after that shock i went and hung with amidy.
one of their roomies is leaving for NY to become a Dr.
but anyway, we went to queen anne hill, and ate at world wraps.
on the way, there was this cop chilling at a stop sign intersection.
this totally fucked up traffic, everyone was waiting like 5 seconds before going again.
but the cop didnt really realize this, cuz all he was doin was puffin on a stogie checkin out the same hot chix as me that were walking by.
taxes in their full effect =D
well. tomorrow im faced with bringing rejection.
we'll see how it all turns out.
why dont hot chix MY AGE do this kinda shit?
is it a maturity thing?
bah. its still so surreal.
im too fucking curious, is what it is.
10:42pm
shit. well, ive had time for the initial shock to wear off, but what a day....
this chic at work offered to have lunch with me today (i didnt work today) so i came by during her lunch break...
so what i thought woulda been going out turned into ending up at her place, where i was propositioned.
i politely sed i was processing it all.
but shit. this chic is 32, and not only that, but a mother of 3, and has a live-in boyfriend.
sweet buh-geezzus.
how weird would it be to take up an offer like that?
to totally blow off morals, what youve thought of growing up to be wrong?
what would one choice do to change my life?
it seemed so unreal, so uncomfortable, something out of a fucking movie.
admittedly, i was fucking scared. i got myself into it.
shit. and i hate dragging myself out.
ive done it before with a chic from work that i didnt like...
that was sketchy in the time-being, getting threatened and all,
but all is good now, and i havent been stalked since she got fired...
i guess working at a grocery store theres a lot more excitement than youd think.
all the lifers with their crazy backgrounds.... she was telling me some of hers, with domestic violence, custody battles, random flings, a bout with liver cancer.
oh my god. going through chemotherapy.
she sez she doesnt want any attatchments.
well shit. thats what i want in my perfect relationship, and i sure as hell wont find it there.
its too bad, cuz she has a really fun personality.
most likely things will be weird now....
bummer...
after that shock i went and hung with amidy.
one of their roomies is leaving for NY to become a Dr.
but anyway, we went to queen anne hill, and ate at world wraps.
on the way, there was this cop chilling at a stop sign intersection.
this totally fucked up traffic, everyone was waiting like 5 seconds before going again.
but the cop didnt really realize this, cuz all he was doin was puffin on a stogie checkin out the same hot chix as me that were walking by.
taxes in their full effect =D
well. tomorrow im faced with bringing rejection.
we'll see how it all turns out.
why dont hot chix MY AGE do this kinda shit?
is it a maturity thing?
bah. its still so surreal.
im too fucking curious, is what it is.
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