damn that was bitter.
fuck me.
guess what i did.
i hung out with ashleigh.
guess who was with her.
kevin.
quite strange, but its all good.
i guess kevin called what he thought was my cel phone but was actually the house phone and he got all confused when WAnk answered.

ya know. shes still fun. we're still longing for that comfort we had.
but i dont think i could have what we had before. im still damaged.

i met her step-father again for the first time since back in april..
we shook. "you arent going to fall in love again are you?"
"no, sir."

and shit. for some reason, zoe adores me (her little sister).
she saw me, jumped up and latched onto me.
she made me pick her up and talked to me about her day at wild waves....
i liked seeing her again. its always cool to feel important.
her mom was surprised to see me, but didnt make a big fuss about it (why should she?)

speaking of feeling important.
you know who sux?
those people that you hang with kinda, but its where you have to put in all the effort to see them.
you have to make the call, have the plans. otherwise they wouldnt think at all of calling you....
i was thinking today that chris and kevin now fall into this category, but i guess thats blown to shit since kev tried to call me today.
oh, and i guess from what kevin sed i wouldnt really want to hang with chris right now... his woman is coming back into town in 34 hrs, was the last count.
i guess hes a cranky mother fucker right now... thats a boy that can do some damage if he wanted.
i guess he was such an ass that a chic at his work quit cuz of him. hehe.

so. i dont want to be sucked back into the hole.
but i do want my friendship back.
we remember how it was.
i think we can keep it platonic, or whatever the word is....

my personality allows for people to take advantage of me, and i wont know what hit me til its blown by.....
sux... dont it?