i woke up this morning and couldnt hear out of my left ear.
i Q-tipped the shit out of it, but yet i still cant hear anything.

this takes me back to way back in the day when i needed tubes in my ears.
back when shit was clogged so every word echoed in your head, and it makes you sound so retarded to yourself,
like when you hear your voice played back after its been recorded.

6 hrs later and its still fuct.
i hate doctors. (cuz theyre dumb)
and because of that tubes in the ears incident, i have a complex about sticking shit in my ears.

i guess a lot of fears are childhood based, eh?

you know what i saw today as i was still in my daze?
the best parents are the ones that divert the child from doing what they shouldnt, rather than just saying NO repeatedly.
not only is it nicer, but it seems to work a hell of a lot better.
you gotta know how to think like the kid to do this.

my computer hates me now.
theres a memory prob.
i'll prolly just break down and get a new one.
good thing i have people around to tell me whats good and not... . i have no clue.

im one of those people that gets really nervous and says stupid things around people im interested in.
god i need practice... or maybe just confidence.

people try to help me.
but nothing ever sinks in unless you want it to.
its always "youre going to do what you want to do."
in many cases even if you know better.