so.. ashleigh and i may have spoken our last words today for an eternity.
its sad. we both felt that we did all we could. its just that it left me with wanting a friendship. and her with utter frustration and wanting nothing to do with me.
i did all i could. i told her how i felt. i asked questions that i felt should have answers. im sad to whats transpired, but there was nothing more to be done. so its now time to leave the thing that means the most to me and move on. im sure many have sed this... but i didnt feel it was necessary til now.
theres nothing more there. shes done. ive pushed things too far. maybe i tried to hard. but theres one thing that is for sure, and it never makes for a good relationship, and maybe why things cant be better now.... i loved her more than she loved me... she admits to it. shes still upset that i came by to help her, even when she told me to leave. thats a double edge sword though... leave and dont help, or let her get upset by staying. i chose staying... whether it be out of selfishness or not.
we part with her wishing no ill-will on me, and with me saddened, but ready to leave it behind. theres nothing more i can do. she wanted to get better on her own. i thought i could help. silly me. i still do and always will care about her. and i hope that in years to come the past can be put behind us, and friendship can ensue. its sad what its come to. a vicious cycle of me wanting to know what went wrong, and her having no answer... feelings fade. i guess. she had issues to deal with on her own.
im going to try to enjoy my weekend. forget about things. move on. its hard when i work all weekend.
i considered her my best friend. but friends dont do that. ashleigh says that friends listen. so when she told me to go away, i should have.
that may be the case, but i did what i felt was beneficial to her, and i cant change that now.
it seems like all this time i spent with her that i forgot about my other friends... thats so how it shouldnt be, but she needed my help at the time.. thats my only pathetic excuse. im so out of the loop. i feel i cant get back. but i seem like im getting a new life. i move make home, things change, im soon to go to a different school. i am moving on whether i like it or not. luckily i think i do. i cherish my friends. maybe because i only have so few hardcore ones. it hurts a lot to lose one. especially when its out of my power. i cant change her. shes set in her ways now. the thought of me to her angers her. what did i do? i tried to help. did i? possibly. so for that im glad. but sad that i cant see her happy and healthy. i guess i'll just have to live with that. i dont take back what i ddi. i helped a friend. thats what friends do. where did it all go wrong?
fuck.
its sad. we both felt that we did all we could. its just that it left me with wanting a friendship. and her with utter frustration and wanting nothing to do with me.
i did all i could. i told her how i felt. i asked questions that i felt should have answers. im sad to whats transpired, but there was nothing more to be done. so its now time to leave the thing that means the most to me and move on. im sure many have sed this... but i didnt feel it was necessary til now.
theres nothing more there. shes done. ive pushed things too far. maybe i tried to hard. but theres one thing that is for sure, and it never makes for a good relationship, and maybe why things cant be better now.... i loved her more than she loved me... she admits to it. shes still upset that i came by to help her, even when she told me to leave. thats a double edge sword though... leave and dont help, or let her get upset by staying. i chose staying... whether it be out of selfishness or not.
we part with her wishing no ill-will on me, and with me saddened, but ready to leave it behind. theres nothing more i can do. she wanted to get better on her own. i thought i could help. silly me. i still do and always will care about her. and i hope that in years to come the past can be put behind us, and friendship can ensue. its sad what its come to. a vicious cycle of me wanting to know what went wrong, and her having no answer... feelings fade. i guess. she had issues to deal with on her own.
im going to try to enjoy my weekend. forget about things. move on. its hard when i work all weekend.
i considered her my best friend. but friends dont do that. ashleigh says that friends listen. so when she told me to go away, i should have.
that may be the case, but i did what i felt was beneficial to her, and i cant change that now.
it seems like all this time i spent with her that i forgot about my other friends... thats so how it shouldnt be, but she needed my help at the time.. thats my only pathetic excuse. im so out of the loop. i feel i cant get back. but i seem like im getting a new life. i move make home, things change, im soon to go to a different school. i am moving on whether i like it or not. luckily i think i do. i cherish my friends. maybe because i only have so few hardcore ones. it hurts a lot to lose one. especially when its out of my power. i cant change her. shes set in her ways now. the thought of me to her angers her. what did i do? i tried to help. did i? possibly. so for that im glad. but sad that i cant see her happy and healthy. i guess i'll just have to live with that. i dont take back what i ddi. i helped a friend. thats what friends do. where did it all go wrong?
fuck.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home