i think if situations were different, i wouldnt be so torn up about this whole thing.
if i hadnt spent day in and day out trying to make her miserable life a little more liveable.
then months later, to be told that your compassion, your love, your time, your feelings are what annoyed and upset the person you gave all these things to. that being around her too much became an annoyance to her, she didnt need or want me around.
thats her sole reason. other than feelings fade. but feelings dont usually fade from love to hate do they?
after trying so hard to salvage what friendship could be saved, im told that its all my fault. that possibly i cared too much.
look at the effect this has on a person. i dont think im well. i think months of love tossed to the curb as i watch isnt something you can easily get over. i was emotionally drained over those months, and now shes trying to take more.
theres seriously nothing left to take. i realize that i put myself through this. that i have to try to find answers. probably wasnt the best thing to do. but i just couldnt see how an about face could be done in such little time.

so now im trying to cope with the fact that not only did i drive ashleigh away from me, but that i am also causing additional and unnecessary pain by recent actions. will it ever end?

i moved away from my friends... friends that i saw so little of anyway because of different schedules. but now, i dont see anyone. and im told that you have to put effort into "getting back into the loop". well right now i really dont have the energy or will to do that, so it looks as if im fucked. you always question when you see somebody so down.... how did they let them get to that point? its all the fucking domino effect, my friends. once youre in, you cant get out. the fucking snowball.

i hope things cant get worse than this. although 'this' isnt all that bad....yet.
fuck. i seriously hope under different circumstances, if i got dumped i wouldnt take it like this. otherwise, im fucked for life.