yeah man. it was hard to leave the last night i was there....
it was like i was leaving everyone behind.. i couldnt handle it... that coupled with ashleigh dismissing me, i wasnt doing so well....
i didnt realize how much i actually missed stu until i helped air drop of the last bit of furniture... i let him jump and lick all over...
i miss that hyper bitch. i think he missed me too. he knows im his bitch.....dammit.
tripat started all this shat off with his mentioning of crossroads.. hes there, im there, airs there... whos following?
i can almost watch my life changing, and im lucky enough to recognize it, so i can relfect on it.
i liked the house we looked at... a lot. even though my rooms kinda small.. its unique, its the fucking monkey room! but i think living in seattle will be exciting. much more lively. i'll also have to find a new job. theres no way in fuck im driving my ass to kirkland just to work, when everythings goin on over on the westside. maybe i can work in fucking ballard or something... too bad i dont even know how far that is from wallingford, or how to get there from there.
as for ashleigh... i think she was really good for me. she taught me a lot of things. i think we did fit well. im sorry things got confused.
im sorry we've gotten to the point where we cant talk anymore. im sorry she takes my excitement for friendship as neediness to get back with her. we need to get out of our rut. time will help.. .fucking time. i just hope that our time meant enough to her to where she would want to talk to me again. i hope im not alone on that. thats my biggest fear.. that all she'll remember is the last couple months of annoyance, and not want that back so she'll be perfectly content not seeing me again. thats why i have so much pain. it was special to me. but was it to her?
my sisters roomate was telling me a list of things that her perfect guy must have... although i dont really believe in certain 'must have' characteristics in a person, i do think it might be a good guideline... but anyway.. she asks me for mine. i dont have one, but i start naming things off... they all encompassed ashleigh...coincidence or maybe i was using her as all i know as a guide, i sucked. i miss her. its a lot more different now knowing that i might possibly never talk to her again... before i knew i would.. now it seems more like retrospect. i question how she goes about things, but i love her, and wish her the best in life still.. id do anything for her.

enough of that. i miss stu, i miss playing fetch with a 2x4 with ozzy, i miss playing on the computer from my bed. i miss icqing roomates all the way in the other room, i miss being able to pass out in my own house..ass up even, if i want!... i miss being able to ask my friends whats up without calling... i miss late night deep talks or random ones at that..
but those are all good memories that i'll always have, and more will be made. in a new place, but in time, that will be known as home, and i will love it just as much.
with exception to the absence of ashleigh.. life is going well. and i look forward to where its leading me. its about to be turned upsidedown, but maybe that will help define me.. throwing myself in not so comfortable situations... seeing how i cope, how i manage.
also its who sticks with you... who can you count on. its interesting to see who i put myself around when i first meet a group of friends... then to see who i actually end up hanging with and leaning on and giving support... its not what you figure...
so that shows you dont know what to expect with life... where it will lead you... thats why its exciting, thats why i look forward to it.
thats why i take the occasional risk. its why i like the unexpected. its why adventure is so exciting.
i want to travel, i want to hike. experience everything. where the hell am i going with this?
oh yeah.. trip? what were you saying?