so... i've been watching my friends worry about the most menial shit when it comes to women in their life. stuff that seems silly if you take a step back... im not saying that i wouldnt do it, or that i havent done it, because as you have read, i am a victim...
but why? why do we put ourselves through such torture? when most of the time things turn out fairly well anyway.
i think its that for the people that are doing this its because they lack something.. they lack a pre-exsisting relationship that would give them the confidence to know that yeah, some chix do like them, and yes, you can support the weight of their feelings.
i think even after my little....whatever.. that sadly i still lie in this category. i didnt get enough of a real relationship to get a grasp on this confidence. but anyway.. what im trying to say is just... take a step back at what youre worrying about. if this chic does really like you, then things will go well, and theres nothing to worry about.. you'll get confidence from that.. i know its hard, and im sure i probably couldnt practice it, but its what you need. chix dont want the whiny.. 'why dont you like me? what did i do?'
that shits just annoying.. ya know? that and constantly worrying. thats just self destruction. but yeah.. practice what you preach..
can i do that? well. i couldnt last time.. but maybe i'll learn from my mistakes....
although i would like to think that my scenario is quite a bit different than most.
but maybe just take a step back, and ask yourself 'what am i worrying about? and wont this just be resolved soon anyway?'

yeah.. neways. other topics.. so that roadkill that i saw yesterday... still there. although weirdly now that its being decomposing for a day its more distinguishable. maybe because it got run over again and got flipped around to where i can see the head...
its a raccoon..... although more limp and dull than yesterday. it wasnt as intruiging.. just a pile of dead parts.

so. lately i havent felt like i've really needed to talk to ashleigh anymore. i think ive almost explained myself thoroughly enough to her. it just makes me sad that it seems that she could be perfectly content living her life without ever talking to me again.

im kinda excited about finding out how convenient ballard freddys might be from wallingford. hopefully they can handle the fastest fucking employee from totem fucking lake. or at least have room for me.. i'll have to look into it. alap.

but for now, my animosity for school (at least my first two classes) drives me. im getting through the drab part of life. taking shit i dont like. but i just realized today. hey, a try at a universal education is good! how the fuck else would i realize that i hate philosophy without ever taking it?! although i still havent narrowed down my true interests. balls.

well.. i'd love to write more, cuz theres not a damn thing to do between now and the hour and a half til work. but then people fall asleep at the computer, and thats a lot of time wasted where you could quickly finish up reading my blog and have a look at some of those lesbian porn sites im always "hearing about".
late yall.
oH! btw, my song for my bday was "Woman In Love" by Barbra Streisand.
sheit. why did i get the homo one?