6.04.2001

so i almost had blog withdrawl today...
so much to say...

ok. so with a little (or lots) of help from amidy, i found ballard fred meyer... OMG! so fucking huge! its like costco or something. i thought i'd been there before, but i must have mistaken it for the lake city one. seriously... fucking huge.
so i meet my new boss.. i go to shake his hand, and he smiles.. BWaSha! i jump a bit. hopefully not enough for him to notice..
his teeth.. theyve got blackish stains on them.. at first i thought it was braces, but no.. just black spots. jesus.
so we chat, blah blah. he lets me go. then i hear an over head, so i overhead him back. he tells me that fred meyer in kirkland can let me go as soon as this sunday!! so shit! now i gotta move in all my shit asap =P but i'll be working in kirkland all weekend.i think 20hrs in 3 days (fri sat sun). so shit.
but nonetheless, im stoked... i just hope that i can find it again.

so to go along with this, amidy took me to a surprise.. which happened to be an international film. i didnt know this til we got to capitol hill.. so.. guess why she decided to take me to it... the title: melancholy chicken. she didnt know what to expect, cuz all the write up sed was "a boy grows attatched to a chicken" or something like that... but the melancholy should have given it away. so this film was in czech, with subtitles, and goddamn, was all about death and loss... this little kid loses his mom when in a storm lightning hits a limb of a tree and lands on the mom who was sheltering the kid... he survives. the whole rest of the movie, he wants to be with his "mummy" up in heaven. at the funeral, he doesnt cry a tear. then they get back to the farm, and this chicken hawk had killed and was eating a mommy chicken and all its chix... all were killed but one wee little chick. the boy cries over the chickens, but goddamn, that was so gross. and im not just saying that cuz it was chickens. so the kid gets a new bitch of a mom.. witnesses more death/loss, etc. then the kid comes down with diptheria. the mom flips out. they send her to england. she comes back, and somehow the dad finds out she was whoreing out her shit, so he gets pissed and starts shoving grapes into her face. the chicken starts pecking at the window. this pisses the dad off.. he throws grapes at it. the pecking ensues. so he goes and breaks the window, then runs outside threatening to kill it =( but the chicken runs into this barn, where this nasty old lady was gettin busy with other house help, and they knock over this lantern.... this catches the hay in the barn on fire, and the chicken runs through it!!! so the fucking chicken is fucking on fire and is running around the barn catching more shit on fire. the whole fucking place is ablaze, and finally someone drops a bucket of water on the thing so it'll stop running around. so this guys hurt.. he hobbles up to the kids room, where hes all sweaty and pale. the chicken hops into his arms all charred and blackened, and they both die together. then that room catches on fire, and the dad unknowningly tries to save his dead kid. but people wouldnt let him.. then, at least the kid got to go see his mom. it was pretty good. although sad, and i think all the shit they did to the animals was real.. like slitting baby goat's throats, chicken hawks eating chickens. NAH!. we joked that i was going to fall asleep during this thing, but actually amidy did.. hehe, oh wait, she was just "resting her eyes"... i HAD to wake her up during the flamming chicken scene though =)

other things... i was going through my shit that i brought over to the house, and i found some photos. yeah. they were of ashleigh.................................. i miss her........... thats allowed =P
id be content with just knowing that she didnt not like me.
i mean, think about it.... do you know anyone that doesnt like you that you dont feel the same way in return? doesnt that just eat you up inside? dont you want to make it better? yeah. well, i tried to make it better.. but i guess only time does that now... but it still eats me up as the days go by.....

aaron, did you call her?

which brings me to my other point. this blog.... sure i share feelings, but thinking about it, when i do share about feelings, and not just some crazy antecdotes, its usually about pain. i guess its easy for me to share pain. its searching for help/comfort, i suppose.
that and just getting those feelings out into terms you can read or spell out, makes me feel a lot better.. clears my head.
as for expressing love, or such, i dont know if id be so quick to share. to me thats more personal.
whatever.... but. yeah, so i herd wank blogged, i guess i'm off to read that.
but first.. heh. the house. our phone lines are shat, or maybe we just got it figured out, but the previous renters still need to leave their fax machine at our place, so he's giving us 100 bucks to keep it there for 3 days.. the guys really cool.
he sed that the lady next door isnt actually a beeyotch, the only reason they got the cops called on them was cuz it was their last night there and they were trying.. he sed that she sed she never herd a damn thing =) sweeet!

my bad.. long blog, but its late night.. kinda. and lots went down today.

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