havent blogged in a while.
sometimes i think about stuff i would like to write, but then i forget about actually sitting down and doing it.
then later on, what i had in mind to write sounds kinda lame.

what i wanted to do was to write a journal kind of thing.
just a list of general thoughts about things i'm studying.
the issue with that though, is that this isnt just for my personal self.
everyone can read what i write, even though my obscure thoughts about human evolution and evolution itself, would probably bore most people.
i know my insights on saggital crests and giant masseter muscles haven't exactly enthrawled megan. but whatever.
and it doesnt really matter right now, cuz i dont remember or have anything to report anyway.

what to say...
life isnt what it used to be. its more complex now. seeing different levels that had no effect on my life, and still really dont, but i notice them now.

authority. what to say about authority. you get people like jesus and gandhi and mohammed. and they come to have massive amounts of followers. how do they do it? ...confidence. amazingly its as simple as that. the writers of the bible had it pegged with their analogy of the congression or mass or followers.. whatever you want to call them. theyre referred to as sheep. with the almighty pastor.
its so fucking true. people will bow down to authority for apparently no good reason, other that a fear of what this authority might be capable of. in many cases, its little to nothing. but people willingly hand out... not really loyalty, but odedience to anyone who exerts the notion that they might deserve it.

so you get people who can talk out of their ass grabbing people's attention, will, and respect. a very odd concept for somebody who's been "repressed" for most of their life. i think physical characteristics can also gain people's respect. height and age are a definate variable in the amount earned.

well. hell. look at this crap i've been spitting. nothing about school. i'll get around to it. half of the reason i might not bother is that my notions or hypothesis have many holes or questions that i'd like to ask to strengthen them. but blogger's sort of a one-sided media. i guess i could ask questions in school, but some arent all that relevant to the subject matter. or slightly tangented. its a real shame that i dont get to know any of the professors better. if i get to grad school, which is a big IF, i think its almost mandatory that you find at least one good mentor. so that would be cool.
who would want to mentor me though? i'm so haphazard.
my notions are yearning to be groundbreaking, but how many people have tried that same method and miserably failed.
each science may have its own history, and it may add up, but its still infinitely small.
i give a shout out to darwin, wallace and huxley.
moving on.

sometimes i wish i had more direction in life. i see a field of science and i'm highly interested. unfortunately, that leaves me as a novice in many categories with still no clue of which direction to take. if i had the foresight now, i think i would have done zoology or environmental science. shit, see, i still cant make up my mind. archaeology is cool and all, but i think if i would have been able to think about it back when i started college, i would have looked more into paleontology. however, would you think westmont was very big on that subject? i doubt it. UW is pretty weak in that area too.

you know what sucks? the west coast. but not in the way youre thinking of it. the west coast is the new east coast. its what the east coast is to england. young blood. less traditional, less stagnant in their ways. ...you know what i mean. west coast. its got everything you could ask for from the atlantic, plus the earthquakes, minus the hurricanes. anyway. why does it seem that the minds (we're talking schools/universities) dont really mix. all that prestigious, talked-up shit over on the east coast that cranks out a bunch of sought-after bullshit and then people on the west coast who are just as competent but lacking funding and means for obtaining technology or specimen.
what i'm getting at is. underwater archaeology should be just as popular in places like california as they are in the east coast. but they arent. i guess its a relatively new field, but jesus christ. whatever. people won't buy into anything until its proved itself over time. smart, but pitiful.
props to that one guy in that shitty san diego college that does underwater archaeology on the side.
otherwise, the nearest shit is in indiana (go figure). and well. i guess B.C. doesn't really count.
heh. canadians.
hey. speaking of which. i'm fairly decent (and bored) when it comes to american history, but what's canada's deal?
when, and how did they go about severing ties. i doubt they fought for it, cuz they're always depicted as pussys, and how does the french part factor in?
i guess i could google it, but i'm a mite too lazy tonight.
just got kinda tired.

what the hell am i going to do with my life. i better work out something with school, or else its either lifeguarding or fred meyer for the rest of my life. frightening, really. not something you can do with age. sad, i'm factoring that into it already.
but i've seen them old people at fred meyer. i've gone back to the store that started it all and seen the growing number of wrinkling faces; obesity taking control of others....
i'm trying to think of what i could theoretically see myself doing, and i think a big question in my field would to be to ask myself how fond am i with the idea of traveling/relocating a lot.
can't say i'd like it too much, but i dont really know the schedule of the average person who does what i would maybe want to do. i guess they might only do the travelling over summer, or maybe some other season of the year, but just for one season. but how down am i with that?
can't say, really.

monotony, i would say, really isnt my style, but i can be content with smash brothers hours on end, so what does that tell about me? maybe i would be content with some thoughtless routine that i daily pulled myself through step by redundant step. but wheres the fun in that?
i think life is about doing everything possible that you can with it.sillily enough, being a lifeguard was one of my life goals. scuba diving another. going to a north and south american spanish-speaking country (disregarding tijuana) is another, and i'll get the north half done here soon. what else do i want to do with myself?
ironically all that comes to mind is travelling and seeing how the rest of the world lives. what kind of controls and traditions master their lives....
cultural anthropology is so cheesy though. especially when it comes to teaching it... at least in the classes i've been involved in.

question: how do i get to go everywhere when i'm supposed to specialize in one culture/geographic location?
yeah. i'll let you know if i ever find an answer to that one...

met a dude today who works at a bakery and lives in his van. somehow makes enough to have a membership to the club.
must be cheaper than rent for a single apartment. he uses the club as his showering facilities and also takes advantage of the spa, hottub, and pool.

lifeguarding kinda blows. i want a job where i'm in the water. its too bad i cant have a "bird's eye view" from in the water. it would pass the time so much quicker. however, even though today was an hour shorter than thursday, it seemed to go by faster than if there even was another hour to go. maybe its because i brought a book. didnt even take a break today.
1/2 hr lunch thursday.

ok. i've no where near exhasted myself verbally, but i think my eyes need a little rest.
parting thought:
i wish i had this charisma that would urge people i meet to talk to me. maybe everyone else is just like me. wanting to talk, but nothing to say or no way to break the ice.
its kinda sad. all the information that could swap minds.
took another shared class for me to talk to the smart chic in my fossils class.
i fear she may be one of the last of the dying breed of goth, but shes still pretty cool. i wish i could talk to the rest of the 12 people in that class, but only in one case with a random meeting on the bus and somebody dropping a job prospect in peru have i been able to incite conversations.

the other side to these conversations however, would be that i might spread myself to thin.
and i know thats one of my least favorite situations to be in.

ok. goodnight to you all. sunday = studying tomorrow. hopefully i have computer access in the living room.
stupid fucking pdfs.
lastly:
goodnight, megan.