manuel, welcome to the fucking club...
to put everything on the line.. put it all out there, exposed... only to be shat upon.
then to pick yourself up... shake off a little dust, and toss yourself right back into where youre the most vulnerable, and to where she can easily access your heart.. grab it, squeeze it, twist it, yank it out. stomp on it. maybe spit on it... all while not even realizing the extent of what theyve done. we gave our heart to them to do with as they please.... and how could they be so horrible as to do what they did? whats their justification? were we not gentlemen? were we not putting them on a pedestal? were we not supportive and loyal?... but it all comes down to its not what they wanted.... but did they have to go to the means that they did to get their point across? who knows?
its a fucked up situation in a fucked up life..... if i'm quoting limp bizkit correctly.
i know about hope, manuel... i still do hope. maybe not for love... but that she'll realize how good i was to her, and that i cared, and that i didnt need to do all that, but that i did out of love. and that she threw that whole-hearted love away... and for what? why?
i just want to get over needing her. am i there? can i ever say that i am? especially when i dont have another girlfriend... and when this wrongly-named drought will end (as i think you need a starting point for a drought).... it will be way down the road from here... and i'll have nothing to put my emotions on other than this failed relationship... how do you get over it then?

i talked to maegan yesterday on AIM. i had to make the effort =P. i told her how i was moving, etc. and i told her how i ran into ashleighs sister and mom... how it was akward... she asked if there were any girls in my life.. of course it was a no... hopefully ashleighs not waiting to talk to me again til after i have a girlfriend, cuz she might be waiting a while.
but i told her to come by our new place sometime.. she sed she would... but doesnt know when she'll be coming home from idaho..
and she sed to tell air "hi"... so shout out to him.

but seriously? how fucked up is this? ok... so my ex-girlfriend is on the fringe of hating me, if it is not actual hate, and yet her best friend still talks to me, and is ... for the sake of having no other name... a friend... what?! what the fuck?! if i was a dick, an asshole, an undeserved bastard, wouldnt she dump me just as fast (ok, it wasnt fast, but as brutally) as she did? why is there still communication here? sure she didnt start the convo, but she wasnt trying to get away from it. she was interested in my life, etc.

i guess all i can conclude is that ashleigh is a very stubborn woman.
she wont have things any other way than how her thoughts originally entered her head.
thats it. im done. shes maxed me out too.