is it good to do something bad in the name of your boss's business?
what i did really didn't hurt anyone, but if my bosses found out it might make them reconsider how the place is closed up every night.

what i did was break into my work building so i could appease the angry, aged masses that were brewing just outside the door. apparently old people enjoy their set routines, and want to swing their crotchedy, arthritic, vericosed forelimbs at whoever may be responsible when these daily schedules don't come to fruition.

why did i do this, you ask? well, 6 am may be early as fuck, but our place is supposed to open at five thirty, so when this rolled around, i knew i had to do something.

since i had no key, nor a phone (who would i have called anyway? the only number i have is for the front desk, and nobody being there was the whole problem), so i initially set out to find a way to the back of the building to see if the owners were home (they live behind the pool on 35th). both sides of the building had a crazy amount of overgrowth which was no surprise. clutter seems to be their style. but getting down to each side of the building ended with a fence that may have been scaleable, but it was just starting to rain and i wasn't feeling up to it, so i went back to my car and drove around to 35th. went to the owner's front door and knocked. nothing. a light was on, but no one seemed to be moving around. for some reason they have two front doors, so i tried the other. also nothing. i had heard that they were on vacation for a week. which is awesome when i'm working cuz that means i don't have to watch my back, but kinda sucked in this situation.

so i walked passed their house, through a couple gates and down to the back door/fire escape. these are two glass double doors that swing out. its only kept locked by a chain with a lock. the owners like it this way cuz they can then open the doors a few inches and reach in to get to the lock. its a lot easier than going around the block, like i figured out this morning.

so this opening that is created when you pull the doors back is only about 5 - 6 inches. not wide enough for my fat noggin. but i didn't stop there. i looked up and noticed that with the two doors out there was a small triangle made at the top of the doors, formed by the two doors and the top door jam. i didnt know if i was small enough to fit through that triangle, but i thought i'd give it a try.

i pulled over a lawn chair, got up on it, and stepped up onto the pull-bars on the door. i quickly realized that this would not be a very good idea, since any movement would swing the doors closed and pinch the shit out of my fingers. so i jumped back down.

looking around for things to prop open the door, i immediately saw a broken slate rock sitting next to the door (i already mentioned how they like clutter? broken shit? no prob. leave it where it lies.). this slate is about a foot squared, but broken in three pieces, which turned out to be a good thing. i initially tried to prop the door with one piece, but the doors kept sliding back in. i tried two pieces, but they weren't wide enough. so i grabbed the third piece and had to figure out the right angle to place these two so the third piece would hedge in-between them and keep them stable. this may sound like an easy feat, but i'm working with these two blocks, then the third, all while trying to hold each door open so there's no slack at all in the chain keeping them together.

eventually. i got it. i pulled the chair back over, climbed up on the door and realized i couldnt even fit a leg through the few inches that the doors gave me, so all of my body would have to go through that little triangle. luckily for me, the roof wasnt that far out of reach. additionally, it had an easy to grab lip, so i could keep my ass from falling. so i climbed up to where i was standing on the top of the doors, then i had to figure out how to get both of my legs through this triangle, with one side flush against the wall. it wasnt easy, but with a lot of upper body strength, i lowered both legs into the triangle at the same time. i squoze my ass through and kind of had to bend my back backward so i didnt have to hit my face against the wall when jumping down on the other side.

i made it!
broke in. but for the sake of the company.
and no beat-downs by old grammy's flabby triceps.

thankfully, at the front door, only one door is locked with a key. the other main door is locked by the same chain method but uses a carabiner instead of a lock. so i busted those open and let the geriatrics flood in. they all thanked me profusely and asked how i got in. when i told them through the back door, they then asked if it was unlocked.
i kinda looked at them and went, "uhhhh. . . . no. . ."
to which they realized that i had broken in and asked no further questions, just being thankful that i was able to let them go on with their routine that would no doubt have them eating dinner by noon and sleeping by 4 pm.

then came more fun. i know my duties, but i dont know the front desk person's duties (heh. duties). so i frantically looked for the breakers, which luckily i kinda knew where they were since about a week ago there was nobody in the pool for about an hour, so i snooped around the place finding all the random junk that had piled up over the years in random hidden rooms.

got the lights on. got the computers on so people could swipe their cards in. then i had to turn on all the shit that i usually do and take off the tarps that cover the pool. which is a bitch. especially by yourself.

i slapped up the "no lifeguard" sign, which i guess is illegal according to the health department, and sat in the front desk area frantically trying to call the guy who was supposed to be there. apparently you cant dial area code 425 from the phones at work, so that basically sucked. the guy called around 7 and i just told him to get in when he could.

he felt really bad and offered to buy me something from jack in the crack. i eventually accepted. free food. and for having something to do rather than just sitting and looking at fat or wrinkly old people.

so all in all an exciting day, but 530 is still too damn early for fun like that.
even though it was good times, i hope i dont have to do it again tomorrow when i show up one more time at 530.