weird happenings.
earlier today i was thinking about the past..
namely the sleigh.
maybe i'll get into that in a bit.
but something else came up that takes presidence...

ok. so for some unspecified reasons, i was up in my old hood (the house by the mormon church) and i REALLY had to pee.
so. i pulled into the QFC parking lot, the one across from st. ed's, and i went into the attached subway to use their bathroom.
not even paying attention, i try not to make eye contact with the employee and just bust on down to the bathroom which was at the back of the store..
so. then i hear TRAVIS!
huh, wha? the guy working behind the counter was and old co-worker from when i worked at my old freds...
this guy was pretty cool, but he got fired for skimming off the tills...
its really weird. how you come home, and you always run into someone you know...

as for ashleigh.
i was just thinking...
how much of a sucker (for lack of a better word) i am.
see. she dumped me. she tore me to pieces, and now..
she wants to be friends again? i really dont get it....
who, in their right mind, would offer to put themselves back into a situation that they knew previously drained them emotionally?
not that im hooking up with her, or would ever even consider it again, but after you know the capabilities that someone has for inflicting pain... why would you allow yourself to go back to that?

ok. so she apologized.
after going through the death of her best friends mother, she finally realizes what its like to be helpless, to want so much to make someone better, but theres not a damn thing you can do about it...
you just try to relieve their pain in anyway possible, stand by them, constantly support them. put their needs above yours, because they are weak and cant help themselves....
so. she now understands this.
but still. does she know what its like for the person that you put EVERYTHING into to turn their back on you once they are bettering?
see. sadly, and with all due respect, that person did die. and im sorry to hear about it, because she was a very nice little lady, but, she would not bite the hand that fed her, so to speak, she wanted to leave with love spreading to all that were near and close to her..
so. you cant say that you now know what i went through.
oh no.
see, because. there is one level of pain dealing with the loss, the mourning of someone you love going through endless pain.
and there is another level of pain for someone to take and take and shrug of someone like they were no help at all, or even if there was no help, even being there for you. throwing that away like it was nothing...

so. taking all this in mind. why would i subject myself to going back to someone like that? even if they werent really themselves at the time... but apparently, it still is a constant reminder of the possibilities.

this will be the last time i talk about that..
its now, and has been for a while, in the past...........