everyones out to impress someone, if not all..
thats just how it is.. no changing.
there are seldom truely genuinely nice people.
im not one of them. but i try hard.

why do i do this... this makes my cynical and easily irritable.
it sticks with me for a while. everyone interacts to impress someone, or to keep from feelings stupid.
all interactions are masked with these actions. people being fake. people trying to fit in. or people trying to be so outlandish and different to feel liked, or to draw attention.

but why i wanted this break, that im not sticking to cuz of fucking routine, is that here i am. just using a different medium to try to impress people.. not feeling secure enough to shout it from the mountain tops, i try to get attention by sending it second hand, or whatever. where i dont have to recipricate any reaction until ive vertually forgotten what i had put down....

are we starting random chic for the night? why can it only be one?
so much bragging.

you know what ive figured out?
with all these attempts at grabbing attention. no one out there really give a fuck, if its not quick, short, and mellowly entertaining.
ive had several instances... too fucking many..
where i'll just stop talking, and the person wont even notice? theyll just think im done talking. but yeah. wasnt really done... just stopped.

they daydream about other entertaining things, or how they'd like to get their word in to show how glorious they are....
i think people are way too interesting to mess it up with actually interacting. fuck that.

then i just get in this depressive funk. but whatever.
quit bragging. quit covering for yourself.

im done.. no more.
for now........